The Washington Redskins are the pride of...someone.

Maybe, sometimes, they're the pride of their fans. Sometimes they're the pride of owner Dan Snyder, who is definitely not the pride of Washington DC.

But today, the biggest booster of the Washington Redskins is NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, who in a letter to Congress—or rather, the Congressional Native American Caucus—defended the team's name, which has long been derided as some seriously racist shit. Whether or not the name is racist really depends on if you're of Native-American descent and pretty much nothing else, and we should note here that Roger Goodell is not of Native-American descent. This is why it's funny/terrible/mostly funny to see The White Man do what The White Man always does when he's accused of being racist: Defend himself with cliches employed by racists. Like these:

1. The "I'm Actually Trying to Be Nice" Racist.

"The Washington Redskins name has thus from its origin represented a positive meaning distinct from any disparagement that could be viewed in some other context."

Translation: "Lighten up, it's meant as a compliment! Your ancestors were really fierce—just like the 'Skins' pass rush! You've seen Dances With Wolves, right?"

2. The "But I Have Friends Who Don't Get Offended When I Say It" Racist.

"(Attached as examples are recent remarks from Chief Steven Dodson, an American Inuit chief and resident of Prince Georges County, Maryland, and recently retired Chief Robert Green of the Patawomeck Tribe of Virginia.)"

Translation: "Lighten up! I call my good buddies Redskins all the time, and it's not like they're out here threatening to scalp me."

3. The "Well If They Say It, So Can I" Racist.

"Indeed, the most recent detailed survey of Native Americans....found that fewer than 10% considered the name objectionable."

Translation: "It's not like the people we paid to get this answer to this question on this survey came up with people who think it's racist, so why should I?"

4. The "This Isn't Me Being Racist But You Being A Communist Against Free Speech" Racist.

"Public opinion aside, the Washington Redskins name has been confirmed in a legal context."

Translation: "You wanna call me racist? Well, you're a bad American. Because the constitution protects free speech. Including my right to say and profit off of racist shit."

5. The "Other White People Don't Think It's Bad, So Neither Do I" Racist.

"Among the general public, an Associated Press survey conducted just two months ago found that only 11% felt it should be changed."

Translation: "The same people who celebrate a false holiday every November that lies about the way white people came to America and slaughtered masses of the native population ain't mad at it. Y U MAD, BRO?"

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In short:


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