25 Rappers Spitting About Cars They Probably Can't Afford

You're not fooling anybody.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Bragging is as much a part of rap music as the self-referential “ya boy” and inexplicably substituting V’s for A’s. The genre’s love for unchecked bravado and baseless one-upmanship has created a Florida sinkhole’s worth of ridiculous claims over the years. Now, every unsigned jackass with a pirated copy of GarageBand claims to push a chromed-out Bugatti. And—worse yet—no one checks them on it. Well today the accounting department at Complex Rides is calling BS on these 25 Rappers Spitting About Cars They Can’t Afford

RELATED: 25 Monumental Cars of Hip-Hop

Written by Sean Evans (@seanseaevans)

Riff Raff "Jose Canseco"

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Car: Lamborghini

Reportedly, Riff Raff just purchased an Aston Martin. And although we believe that he's got the money to blow right now, there's a huge difference between having money, and actually being able to afford something. Financial responsibility. Lupe will tell you all about that



Lil Durk "Days of Our Lives"

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Car: Rolls-Royce

Unfortunately for a lot of rappers, one view on YouTube doesn't translate into $1. If that were true, we would have made around $50,000 by tricking the YouTube community into watching a stupid rap video from freshman year by titling it, "NEW USHER SINGLE." Sure, Lil Durk is signed, and he's got some success under his belt, but that by no stretch of the imagination means that he could actually maintain steady payments for a $400,000 car.



Phil Ade "Cloud 9"

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Car: Mercedes-Benz S-Class

We respect Phil Ade. Why? Because, before he even talks about rolling up in his Mercedes-Benz, he tells his listeners that it's not his. He even goes to the next step and tells them to "picture me in a Hyundai." Being humble: a great trait since before your grandma was born.



Willis "Maserati"

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Car: Maseratis

Ugh, good grief. Can you imagine being this kid's parents? In 2013, today's youth is free to broadcast their awkward collective teenage years on YouTube, which will be retrospectively damaging for the legions of 15-year-old Mac Miller aspirants. Surviving high school is tough enough. Don't make things harder by spazzing about a Maserati in a straight-billed Hornets cap.



Lil' Soulja Da Menace "My Benzo"

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Car: Mercedes-Benzes

This song is basically a collage of every rap cliché. Ever. Oh, you have a Benz? And you smash everyone's girlfriend? And you make it rain? And you have swag? And you smoke endo? Let us guess, in your Benzo? #Grindin.



Ca$h Out "Cashin' Out"

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Car: Maybach

Yes, we're aware that this was his radio hit that blew up and had its moment. We're also aware that Maybachs cost right around $400,000, which is a bit too high for a one-hit-wonder's price range. Maybe you should cash out while you're ahead, get yourself a nice, new Chevy, and save the rest of your iTunes money for a later time.



Troy2DaVent "Lambo Life"

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Car: Lamborghini Gallardo

It's hard to claim that "Lambo life" in a video with five other dudes on the track, mostly because Lamborghini's are tight two seaters. So, while a half dozen obese guys rip verses in an otherwise empty parking lot, we're left to wonder how you all got there. Did you fellas all car pool in the same Gallardo? Or did your moms drop you off so you could "practice your YouTube thing" in front of a rented wagon? That Camaro that shows up later in the video makes a hell of a lot more sense.



Sway "Mercedes-Benz"

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Car: Mercedes-Benz

As a commercially successful English rapper, Sway probably pulls a large enough note to get himself an E- or S-Class. However, ripping samples is the fastest way to go broke in this game, and dude's got "The 900 Number" on loop. Are we jumping ahead of ourselves? Maybe a little, but did he not learn anything from Lord Finesse? If DJ Mark the 45 King can resist suing our boy back to the Henry VIII days, maybe he'll hold on to his whip. Maybe.



Yung Incredible F. Correy L "In the Whip"

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Car: Maybach

This song is about having sex in a car. We think. The hook is "gonna f*ck her in the whip," so decide for yourself. Anyway, it centers on some lame and his corny sidekick as they turf outside of a conversion van. Four things:


  1. We're not sure it's cool to brag about having sex in a car. When the only place you can get it in is in a Wal-Mart parking lot after dark, consider your life on a pretty pathetic trajectory. 

  2. What 18-year-old kid is buying a conversion van? It's never happened. Maybe you borrow your mom's Windstar to get nasty in the backseat, but they're not your keys. 

  3. If you sound like a poor man's New Boyz and look like a poor man's New Boyz, chances are you're just poor. 

  4. Did he SERIOUSLY just reference a Maybach? With a conversion van in the back? REALLY?!




Young Dro "Maserati"

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Car: Maserati Quattroporte

You know how we know you're broke? Your Maserati was repossesed, after you didn't pay back the leasing company. So, shrug off Ferraris, Maybachs, and Bugattis like they ain't shit. Just know that we know the real reason you're not behind the wheel of a luxury whip.



Reddy "Range Rover"

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Car: Range Rover Sport

Reddy has the nerve to say that, if you want to ride with him, you "have to be a dime." You might think this article has a harsh tone, but think about the gall of this dude. His greatest artistic achievement is a YouTube music video with 1,400 views, and he has a "perfect 10" mandate for riding shotgun. He'd need about $50 from every unfortunate person who accidentally stumbled across this video to have enough dough to push a Range Rover Sport off of the lot. That should put things into perspective.



Iszy F. Lil' P-Nut "My Favorite Car"

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Car: Dodge Charger, Chevy Camaro

It's hard to pool together a down payment on $30 a week in allowance. And no respectable dealership is going to let an 11-year-old kick the tires on a brand new Chevy Cruze. Not even a test drive. These kids are five years away from a driver's permit, but that doesn't stop them from fantasizing about "riding out on those suicide doors" and "sitting on them 24's." The streets will never be safe.



BKS "Jaguar Music"

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Car: Jaguar XF Coupe, but really a Jaguar S-Type

We respect this dude for making the unconventional decision to go all-in with Jaguar, a rare move in hip-hop, but we've got some bones to pick. For one, that car is not new. It's also not an X model, and it's not a coupe. It's a four-door S-type, which Jaguar stopped producing in 2008. Even then, the MSRP started at $48K, which conflicts with his statement, "50 for the whip and nothin' less." But because this video was uploaded in '11, and that car is, at best, an '08, he probably got it for something more like $25,000-30,000. Nice try, homie. Maybe you can make that type of dough as a Lloyd Banks look-alike.



Big Tuck "Stunnaman"

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Car: Lamborghini Gallardo, Rolls-Royce Phantom, Chevrolet Chevelle

Judging by his video, Big Tuck's the most avid car collector this side of Jay Leno. In the smash hit "Stunnaman" he implies that he has a Lamborghini, a car he drag races in, a Phantom, a Chevelle, "girls on the dean's list at Yale," and "a home at the W Hotel." Either he moonlights as a banker or he's fronting his ass off.

LISTEN UP, LYING RAPPERS! Drake brags about selling 600K records like it's unachievable, but back in '96 we called those "Wallflowers numbers." That's not a shot at Drake, it's a testament to how little money there is in spitting. Grinding in a Nissan Maxima isn't half as lame as falsely claiming to have a garage full of Soviet tanks.



Arab "Baby Blue Bentley"

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Car: Bentley Continental

When Arab spits "Iced out chain all the girls want to grab/ that's why my car is fresher than a Jag," he should realize that his diamond jewelry, and females' propensity towards reaching for it, has nothing to do with his car. Absolutely nothing. It's apples to oranges. With those financial instincts, it's a matter of time before Arab gets his baby blue Bentley repossessed. Besides, there's only one true SODMG Bentley, and that's the red one that belongs to Soulja Boy.



Wrong Williams "Audi Music"

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Car: Audi TT

You have to respect Wrong Williams for having the objective sense to represent Audi. A used '90's A4 is exactly the kind of automobile struggle rappers should aspire to. But after hearing four bars, it's clear that this guy ain't fit to borrow his dad's Malibu, let alone be pushing a brand new Audi TT, which would run you about $40K.



Brandon Lamar "Beamer, Benz, or Bentley"

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Car: Beamers, Benzes, and Bentleys

This guy has the audacity to spit, "Beamer, Benz or Bentley, Bugatti or Ferrari/ All black Lamborghini, whited-out Maserati/ interior all red, look like I caught a body." Mr. Lamar, you realize that you rattled off about $2.5M worth of car while, at the same time, wearing a DC T-shirt you pulled off of the TJ Maxx sale rack for $14.99.

Also, a man of your stature and wealth should be spitting bars on the balcony of a palatial estate, not at the bike trail of an area forest preserve. Even the most hyperbolic of MC's would agree with us when we say there's nothing analagous about red interior and it "looking like [you] caught a body." If it looks like someone was knifed to death in the back of your car, you need to redline that motherfucker to Turtle Wax. Oh, and one more thing: Why is your Twitter background an old Chevy truck and not one of these nice luxury rides you're talking about?



Mike Flow "Beamer Coupe"

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Car: BMW 650i Coupe

This beat is fire and Mike Flow, as his name would imply, can spit. But if this guy got $5 from everyone who has ever heard this song, he'd have, like, $6,000 and that'll get your ass laughed out of the BMW dealership, trying to buy a $70,000-80,000 650i.



Caleb C. "My Truck"

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Car: Ford F-150 Power Wheels

Nice try, Caleb. This is obviously a Christmas present. Power Wheels are a couple hundred bucks, which, for a five-year-old, would require tremendous business savvy. Maybe he's making bank by selling lemonade and jolly ranchers in styrofoam cups in his driveway. 



Mercedes "Mercedes-Benz"

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Car: Mercedes-Benz

You know why Pitbull doesn't rap about pitbulls? For the same reason Eminem doesn't rap about M&M's. It's lame. But the pant suit-laden Mercedes didn't get the memo for her eponymous, belligerent banger "Mercedes-Benz." We get it, your name is Mercedes and you want to drive a Mercedes-Benz. But be realistic about your price range. For a person who boasts a YouTube music video with 10,000 hits, think about a '95 E320 that leaks fluid and has a strong pull to the right—and maybe hide that tacky pine tree air freshener from the rental spot next time, too.



Issue F. Murs "Ferrari"

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Car: Ferrari F355

With lyrics that make Lil' B sound philosophical, a rapper no one's ever heard of mumbles about "being in love with a Ferrari" while, simultaneously, huffing an ether-soaked rag. A guy this slow isn't ready for 600 horsepower.



Ryan Leslie "Maybachs and Diamonds"

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Car: Maybach

It's one thing to talk about one Maybach, but it's completely obnoxious to have two Maybachs in one scene, regardless of who you are. We know Ryan Leslie's got a ton of producer cred, and he's far from irrelevant as a recording artist, but there is an extremely small percentage of people who could legitimately have a Maybach following a Maybach. 



Lil Poopy "Pop That Remix"

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Car: Ferrari F430 Spider

Sir Poopy starts his rhyming fun with "riding in the backseat, 'cause that's what bosses do." Sure, if you're in an S-Class or a Maybach, that's true. Ferraris, however, like the F430 in this video, are made for driving, not for sitting shotty. But wait, driving would require actually being able to reach the gas and brake pedals. Hmm, what's a little chicklet like him to do?



Tory Lanez "Aston Martin Music (Freestyle)"

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Car: Aston Martin V12 Vantage

Tory Lanez is apparently so loaded that he can "relax in a Rolls-Royce" and cruise around in an Aston Martin with a bartender from Buffalo Wild Wings. You'd think a dude with that kind of lifestyle could afford a more worthwhile video effect than a rented smoke machine. In an especially poetic example of art imitating life, his boo eventually shoots him in the driveway and steals his car. We couldn't have written a better final act ourselves.



Ace Hood F. Rick Ross "Bugatti"

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Car: Bugatti Veyron

In the first verse of "Bugatti", Ace Hood claims to have spent "$100K on [his] wrist" and another "$200K on [my] bitch." Really, dude? My girlfriend says she doesn't even know you and that the Cartier bracelet is a gift from her rich uncle. Right, honey?

Anyway, when "Hustle Hard" is the extent of your professional resume and your lyrics are literally extravagant line items on DJ Khaled's credit card statement (Lear jet, "horses in them Porsches," diamonds), no respectable dealer is going to let you drive off of the lot in a $1.2M car. We see you with the Ferrari 458 on your Instagram, and that's cool, but Veyron's are on that Birdman, Diddy, Jay-Z level. A lot has happened since we interviewed you in '11, and we're sure you're in a different place financially, but you were the one that told us you got evicted from you house



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