Cristiano Ronaldo: Badass or Jackass?

Image via Complex Original

When: 8/16/2003

Plain and simple, Manchester United is arguably the biggest club on the planet. They've won a record 19 league titles in the English top flight, and always seem to be in the hunt to win trophys domestically and in Europe. Enter Cristiano Ronaldo, an 18-year-old Portuguese phenom already making international waves. Coveted by both Arsenal and Barcelona, it was Sir Alex Ferguson who made sure that CR would be joining the red half of Manchester in 2003. The Scot secured United's first Portuguese player from Sporting Club de Portugal for a modest fee of about $24 million. We think Ronaldo wipes his you know what with that amount of money now. This move would jump start the career of one of the best soccer players alive.

When: Early to mid 2000s

There is no question as to the quality, skill, and overall it factor that Cristiano Ronaldo posses on the pitch. He has the pace of a gazelle, the control of a surgeon, and a free-kick technique that makes goalkeepers around the world tense up just watching his highlights. But homie, what the hell are you thinking when you get dressed sometimes? Bell-bottoms? Those short-shorts make normal short-shorts look like pants. We could go for days but we're just going to chalk it up to it being a Euro thing. Good Lord though, where does one keep a wallet, cell phone, and/or keys? Oh wait, that's what the murse is for.

When: 5/22/2004

England's FA Cup is the oldest association football competition in the world. It's an opportunity for the lowest of England's footballing divisions to go up against the big boys on the block. Many English players have gone on record to say it's the one trophy they grew up coveting most as young footballers. Cristiano Ronaldo probably never heard of the damn thing prior to his England move—doesn't mean he wasn't filthy in it. Who's the most successful club in the competition? Need we really answer that? Manchester United has won it 11 times, and in 2004 they did it with the aid of one Cristiano Ronaldo. This was CR's first piece of silverware with the Red Devils, and in typical Ronaldo fashion, he scored the daggar in a 3-0 romping of Millwall. This would be the first in an ever-increasing cabinet of treasures for the mighty man from Madeira.

When: 5/13/2007

It's probably no coincidence that in his first season to reach 20 goals for Manchester United, Ronaldo also took home his first Premier League title with the Red Devils. It was a season that saw CR rack up consecutive player of the month honors earlier in the campaign, becoming only the third player in Premier League history to gain such accolades. This was also the year that Ronaldo scored his 50th Manchester United goal; of course it came against hated cross-town rivals, Manchester City. Who writes this stuff? It was the club's first EPL title in four years, a serious title drought for a club like Manchester United. The cherry on top had to be Ronaldo's second consecutive FIFPro Special Young Player of the Year award that he received at the end of the season. This is probably about the time he thought about hiring someone to expand the trophy case, or maybe he was even thinking shrine time.

Date: Trend

As a member of Manchester United, Ronaldo took a dive against Chelsea's Frank Lampard causing a stoppage in play. It was so bad no penalty was called and play resumed. CR likes to flop for the same reason LeBron does, because they know they'll more than likely get the call. It hurts our hearts to see the best of the best stoop to this level. For shame.

When: 5/21/2008

There is no higher team honor in European club football than winning the Champions League. It's what drives jockeying for position across the continents top domestic leagues, and is a competition that features the cream of the crop. In 2008, with Manchester United, Ronaldo catapulted to new heights by achieving arguably his greatest accomplishment of his young career, a Champions League medal.

The stage was set for the final in Moscow, between United and English rival Chelsea. Ronaldo opened the scoring in 26th minute, but his strike was soon cancelled out just before the half. Penalties would be the only way to decide this one, and, although Ronaldo missed his take, United outlasted Chelsea 6-5 to be crowned champions of Europe. CR was named UEFA Fan's Man of the Match, best player of the tournament, and was the competition's top goalscorer. It was a season in which Ronaldo scored 42 goals in all competitions, falling just short of the United record of 46 set by Denis Law in the '63-'64 season. That my friends is how you etch your name into the history books forever and become one badass motha along the way.

When: 5/22/2008

Most dudes spend the day after their 22nd birthday being hung over, eating greasy food, and looking for their dealer's number. Cristiano Ronaldo celebrated his 22nd by receiving the ultimate honor: the captain's armband for his native Portugal. The move was made to honor former Portuguese Football Federation president Carlos Silva, who passed away two days earlier. Portugal coach Luiz Felipe Scolari gave Ronaldo the honor because he said it was Silva's wish to see this, although Scolari himself thought CR was too young. CR was officially given the armband and the No. 7 shirt in 2008 by coach Carlos Queiroz at Euro 2008, an honor he wouldn't relinquish.

When: 1/8/2009

At least this isn't as bad as Mario Balotelli and his Manchester driving issues. Ronaldo was apparently on the way to training when he crashed into a roadside barrier in a tunnel near the Manchester airport. We're sure the tunnel was poorly lit or something. But before we jump to conclusions, a breathalyzer was administered and came up negative. Ronaldo escaped unharmed but the same could not be said for his red Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano. Safe to say someone was most definitely going car shopping that week. Whatever, Ronaldo won FIFA's Player of the Year and the Ballon d'Or just four days later. Talk about an up and down week.

When: 1/12/2009

Even if you don't follow soccer you know what it means to win any type of best player of the year award. Call it the MVP, or the Hart Memorial Trophy for you hockey buffs, but just know that it's the sport's highest honor. Such was the case for Cristiano Ronaldo in 2009 when he was crowned FIFA World Player of the Year for his 2008 achievements. You know, winning the Champions League, becoming captain of his national team, and taking home the EPL crown with Manchester United for whom he netted 42 times? Just another day at the office, right? Did we mention he was the first Premier League player to ever win the honor?

Winning the Player of the Year award would be enough for any player just once in his career, but not everyone is Cristiano Ronaldo. CR bagged his first (and only to date) Ballon d'Or award as well that night. The award is given to the best footballer in the world, as judged by a group of international sports journalists. He finished 165 points ahead of, who else, Lionel Messi. Messi would extract revenge in years to come, but on this night it was all about Cristiano.

When: January 2009

If Ronaldo has learned anything from being an international sports god, it's that one can hardly go an entire career without being linked to a sex scandal. Back in January of 2009 17-year-old Karima El Mahroug, a Moroccan belly dancer, revealed her alleged affair with Ronaldo.

You don't know this chick? Let us help you out. Mahroug made headlines for being involved in a sex scandal involving Italian Prime Minister and all around mogul, Silvio Berlusconi. Chick gets around, huh? All you need to know is that they allegedly met at a club called "Hollywood," Mahroug was given 4,000 Euros for her services, and Ronaldo obviously rebuffs everything this WAG had to say. This story is a little suspect to say the least, but you be the judge. It sure makes for one hell of a laugh, and if it is true, Ronaldo has taken the word jackass to incredible new heights.

When: 3/11/2009

All you need to know about this goalaso is that it led to the creation of an award for nastiest goal of the year. That's right, the 40-yard screamer heard round the world took home the 2009 Puskas Award, the first of it's kind. Ronaldo would even go on to say he thought it was the best goal he ever scored in is young career. Did we mention it was to knock out native Portuguese rivals Porto from the Champions League in the quarterfinals? Damn, even after Ronaldo left the Iberian Peninsula he was haunting the inhabitants of its top-flight domestic league. How do you say, "God Damn!" in Portuguese? Just watch, enjoy, and repeat.

When: 2006-2007, 2007-2008, 2008-2009

It's typically a difficult task to win the Premier League in any given season, unless you're Cristiano Ronaldo and Manchester United. CR and the Red Devils managed to secure back-to-back-to-back EPL titles between 2006-2009, with Ronaldo netting 66 goals in the process. A truly miraculous feat and CR undoubtedly had his finger prints all over it. This is about as badass as badass gets, especially when you leave the club following the third successive title. Combine that with a Champions League title and an FA Cup trophy, Ronaldo pretty much did it all while donning the Manchester red. Upon his departure to Madrid, he had nothing but kind words for his former coach stating, "He's been my father in sport, one of the most important factors and most influential in my career." We're sure of one thing, Fergie and Co. certainly wouldn't mind having him back in the near future.

When: 7/6/2010

If you're already thinking LeBron James, you're not far off. We all remember the interview, and we all remember the Big Three shooting out of a stage like Kiss at some rock concert. But even King James had to be watching Ronaldo's Madrid presentation thinking, "Damn, homie might have one-upped me on this one." When Cristiano Ronaldo signed with Real Madrid in 2009 to the tune of $128 million, he became the most expensive football transfer in history. It was on July 6 that he was given the No. 9 shirt and was presented to the media, 80,000 Madristas, and the world at the Bernabeu. CR was paraded around on a platform, waiving his hands and greeting the worshipers much like a newly appointed Pope. Trust us, that's not a stretch. Football is religion in Spain and all over Europe, and the Santiago Bernabeu is one of the continents most famous cathedrals. And you wonder why this dude has a huge ego. Just check out the spectacle for yourself.

When: 2007-2008, 2010-2011

CR achieved this feat when he notched 31 goals for Manchester United during the 2007-2008 campaign, and again when he netted 40 with Madrid during the 2010-2011 season. You know what's even more badass? Donating the second one to charity in order to raise 1.5 million Euros for school children in Gaza. Yup, believe it or not, this is exactly what Cristiano Ronaldo did after he won his second Golden Boot with Real Madrid. His 40 goals for Los Blancos secured him the trophy, and in turn he attempted to secure the future of the children. Dare we say more athletes should be as charitable as Cristiano Ronaldo? We can hardly believe it either. There is definitely more to the chiseled body and greasy hair of the Portuguese striker than meets the eye. Ayo!

When: 9/14/2011

For all of the folks out there looking to call Ronaldo out for being arrogant this was truly the moment to get some licks in. Following a Champions League match against Dinamo Zagreb of Croatia in September 2011, Ronaldo went on a bit of a rant in his post-match interview. Apparently, he had been the subject of a little verbal abuse from the home support during the match. Well, Ronaldo attempted to explain why he thought all that hate was coming his way. Something about people being envious of how rich he is, and how handsome he is, and how much of a great player he is overall. Chill, CR. Being one of the best players on the planet comes with the price of many haters. We liken this to when LeBron went on his 'I got it better than ya'll anyway rant,' shortly after losing to the Mavs in the 2010-2011 NBA Finals.

When: 4/20/2011

Cristiano Ronaldo may have joined Real Madrid in 2009, but his first two years were marked only with individual success. This was largely due in part to the individual success of another footballing genius competing in the same league, Lionel Messi of Barcelona. An ongoing battle of anything you can do, I can do better, Messi and Ronaldo have been trying to one up each other for individual and team accolades ever since CR stepped foot in Spain. The former seeming to just edge the latter on most days, but not in the Copa Del Rey Final of 2011. An 'El Clasico' in every sense, the Kings Cup trophy would have to be decided in extra time after a goalless stalemate in the first 90. It was finally Ronaldo's moment to take the spotlight on the country's biggest stage. His 103rd minute header proved to be the game winner for Madrid, a goal that brought Real it's first Copa title in 18 years, and propelled Ronaldo to new heights with his new club.

When: 8/30/2012

If you haven't seen it by now, we don't know what you're doing with your time on the Internet. The stage was the presentation of the 2011-2012 UEFA Best Player in Europe Award. Ronaldo, who obviously thought he was most deserving of the award, decided to show his displeasure at the fact that Andres Iniesta of Barcelona took home top honors. If a picture is worth a thousand words, the face on Cristiano Ronaldo tells it all. While Iniesta's teammate Leo Messi is congratulating his friend, Ronaldo has a look that says, "What a joke." To say he pulled a McKayla Maroney would be dead on. So much for being humble in victory and in defeat.

When: 5/13/2012

Finishing second every year is not fun. Such was the case for Cristiano since he arrived in Madrid in 2009. But come the 2011-2012 season, his and Madrid's fortunes were finally do for a change. After notching 46 league goals and 60 goals in all competitions, Ronaldo and Madrid were finally able to put Messi and Barcelona in their rear view mirror. Their final victory came against Mallorca on the last match day of the season, in which CR netted his 46th La Liga goal. With this he became the first player ever to score against every team in the league in a single season. Mourinho and his men took 100 points in all, en route to lifting the title. Messi and Co. were forced to wait another season to try and take back the crown.

When: 9/2/2012

We still don't know exactly what to make of this moment back in September when Ronaldo failed to celebrate after putting two past Granada in a La Liga tilt. He said after the match that he was sad and unhappy with a professional issue, although this had nothing to do with his contract according to his agent Jorge Mendes. Ronaldo had also met with club president Florentino Perez prior to the match, who also acknowledged the star's feelings, but said they were for personal reasons.

Who knows? Bottom line is you get a boatload of guap to score goals and show love for the club, so you best get your head on straight. After the international break Ronaldo did just that, and appeared to be fully committed to Madrid and its fans. The goals in that match were also his 149th and 150th for the club in all competitions. Why so sad, CR? Someone probably just needed to remind him that he dates this chick.

When: 3/5/2013

Such is the complexity of Cristiano Ronaldo that he stated he didn't know how to feel after knocking out former club Manchester United during this past Champions League round of 16. He admitted his delight and sadness for the moment, and showed true class by not celebrating his game winning goal against the club that jump started his career. CR has also admitted he wants to return to United at some point in his career. We're sure the feeling is mutual, but we're also sure that if Sir Alex Ferguson had the chance to advance at Ronaldo's expense, he wouldn't have thought twice about it. It truly is a unique situation to be in, and a flood of emotions and memories must have been coursing through Ronaldo when he stepped onto the Old Trafford pitch.

Is he cocky and arrogant? Yes. But do the achievements for both club and country that he's racked up since making his senior debut in 2002 justify that attitude and perception? Uh-huh. Cristiano Ronaldo has won league titles in Spain and England, lifted the Champions League trophy, and bested hated rival Barcelona in La Liga and in the Copa Del Rey. Don't forget that at 28 years old, he wears the captain's armband of his native Portugal, an honor that was first bestowed upon him at the tender age of 22.

He's been awarded the Best Player of the Year and has taken home multiple Golden Boots. He's showed his charity and respect for the game on numerous occasions, and has a smoking hot girlfriend(s). We'll just leave you with this: Don't underscore any of CR's accomplishments considering he plays in the same generation as maybe the most gifted footballer of all-time in Lionel Messi. Love him or hate him, Cristiano Ronaldo is as badass as they come.