Jackass Credentials: Disco Demolition Night, Tom Gamboa attack, Wrigleyville, Jim Belushi 

Chicago is so douchey it requires its own list. When it comes to baseball you have the option of getting caught in a gang crossfire with the South Side Sox or being vomited on by a drunken frat guy in Wrigleyville. Seriously. Between the attack on Tom Gamboa, the second floor of Barleycorn, and catching one championship in over 200 seasons of combined ball, it's amazing that Bud Selig hasn't contracted the entire Windy City.

Challenge the greatness of Michael Jordan by claiming Kareem Abul-Jabbar or LeBron James as the GOAT and you'll get a bottle of Goose Island smashed over your head. We're not trying to say those guys are better, but Chicago's insufferable defense of the throne comes off pitifully insecure. Since '98, Jordan's kicked in the 3-1-2 to sell his house and open a steakhouse. He's as sick of y'all as we are.

Bears fans are willing to pay $500 a ticket and freeze their asses off in December, just to hurl insults at Jay Cutler while their team gets torched by Aaron Rodgers. Finally, most cities have their signature fans that they can be proud of, (read: Justin Timberlake and the Lakers, Jay-Z and the Nets, Gisele and the Patriots) but Chicago has Jim Belushi, Kristin Cavallari and Steve Bartman. Utterly humiliating.