A lot is said of Notre Dame's reputation with "student athletes." But if you believe their marquee football player's story, he's the dumbest person in an accredited university (we see you Florida State) and the shittiest boyfriend ever. If the "love of your life" dies of leukemia, your first order of business should not be to study Michigan State game film. And he'd look a lot more sympathetic if—on the day of the supposed funeral—he wasn't dropping into zone coverage against Michigan.

At best, Manti Te'o is a pathetic meathead who thinks that interceptions are a worthwhile tribute to human life. At worst, he's a sociopath who contrived the hoax for attention.

Look, the Internet is just lies, porn, porn, and porn. There's a lot of deception, but one universal truth: if all you know about a girl you've been talking to for three years is that she looks hot in her profile picture, she's fake. Got it? FAKE. Or it probably wasn't a girl's voice in the first place. There, you're welcome.