Being a fantasy football league champion is like coming in first place at a funnel cake eating competition—technically you won something, but it's a bit embarrassing. Look, not everything we do is cool. If you need a reality check, peep some of the text messages you send your girlfriend or take a look at your iPhone's "Workout Mix" which, undoubtedly, includes "Wide Awake" by Katy Perry.

So, you're in a fantasy football league. It gives you a way to connect with the sport you love and, maybe at the end, win a little cash. No big deal. But if you're that jerk-off who, in April of the following year, still brings up the legendary Week 15 performance of Marshawn Lynch, or how "the haters" ripped you for taking Jimmy Graham in the third round, consider your life headed in a bad direction.