Look, do you really need another reason to cheer on other grown men who are younger and wealthier than you are? We don't know how many points Rob Gronkowski will score for your fake team, but he will definetly bang your real girlfriend. And, judging by that sausage stain on your ever-tightening Drew Brees jersey, she’d be right to cheat on you.

Nobody likes football more than us, but you pay for NFL stadiums and they charge you full price for preseason games. Don't let Roger Goodell turn you into a douchebag, too. The only power you have is to cut your whole team, go outside and enjoy the fall. We’re trying to help you.