Derek Jeter Is Traded to Mets After Admitting He's Dating Brian Cashman's Stalker

We didn't see this one coming.

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In what is surely the most shocking move in the New York Yankees' long, proud history, the team announced today that they have traded their captain and shortstop Derek Jeter to the New York Mets for Tim Byrdak, Fernando Martinez, and Tony Bernazard. In a terse press release sent from the team's spring training headquarters in Tampa, Yankees general manager Brian Cashman explained the trade, saying "Byrdak gives us a quality, injured lefthander out of the bullpen, while Bernazard should provide some much needed tough love in our dormant farm system."

Cashman may have tipped his hand about the real motivation for the move however with this statement buried near the bottom of the release: "It is with great pleasure that the Yankees part ways with Mr. Jeter, a shortstop of limited range to his left, a giant frickin' ego, and an inability to keep his hands to himself." The latter is a possible reference to a tweet sent from Jeter last night, since deleted, that read: "yo beecash...i smashed yo' chick!!! she'z stalkin alrite...deeeznuts!!!" We can't help but think that this sort of stuff wouldn't be happening if George Steinbrenner was still alive.

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