Most Valuable Player

Kobe Bryant, L.A. Lakers
Statistics: 25.9 PPG, 6.0 APG, 6.3 RPG, 1.1 STPG

It amazes us how people can legitimately say that Kobe is losing a step. Last year's stats were right on par with his career line, and this year, his assists and rebounds are up (The first five games are obviously telling of what the season will be like). Plus, everybody would just be hootin' and hollerin' if he were dropping 40 a game, which he could. Don't expect his recent blunder with his wife to screw anything up, either. He's not only a seasoned 15-year NBA vet, but he's also been through wifey problems before. He knows how to handle that. If anything, this will just free him up for better play. Ready for the final kicker? In the biggest in-season moves ever, the Lakers will somehow scrounge up a deal for Dwight Howard, and Shaq will come out of retirement to create literally the biggest three ever. Boom, roasted, LeBron and Derrick.