6. Be Pitiful
Complex Says: Cry, sob, put mascara on while the cop is walking to your car just so it can run down your face, tremble uncontrollably, and wet yourself. Make the officer feel like he's stabbing a three-legged, one-eyed chihuahua with gout, mange, and chronic hemorrhoids just so that he can urinate in the wound. The younger and more effeminate you are, the more likely this is to work. If you're a 72-year-old executive in a $2,000 double-breasted Zegna suit, you'll inspire more disgust than pity when the smell of fresh feces starts wafting up from your pants as your tears carry your freshly applied eye-liner down to your old-man jowels.