YEARS: 2007-present

Remember that scene in Casino where they put the card cheat's head in a vice to get him to talk? We're thinking Joel might've had an early audition for that role that got a little too real. And then Mike Tyson nibbled on his ears. And on top of all that, his hairline's gone past recession and straight to depression — and he's not even 30 yet. Oh well Joel, at least you're in the Conference Finals!