Dear Tiger: When everyone else made jokes about you cheating on your wife with more than a dozen mistresses, we didn't make jokes! We defended you. When they said you were a creep, we said you were the man. And when they said you'd never ascend to the top of the golf game again, we told them to go stick their heads up their...well, we told them you'd be back. So can we please—pretty please?—use a guest room in your new $50 million Florida bachelor pad that includes a 6400-square-foot gym, an elevator, a lap pool, and a golf practice facility right on site? Please let us know soon because we've got a vacation coming up and Derek Jeter already said no when we asked him if we could stay at his sick new pad. And yours looks way nicer anyway. Sincerely, [via Devil Ball]