Play Ball! Complex Predicts the MLB Playoffs: Division Series

Image via Complex Original

I feel like I say this every October, but here goes: the MLB Playoffs are shaping up to be very cool this year. Look, if you don't like baseball, you ain't gonna watch (Jersey Shore's on Thursday night, right?), and if you do, you will watch (where's my "Genius at Work" sign?)—but if for some reason you're undecided vis-a-vis the whole America's Pastime question, here's five quick reasons you might enjoy this year's postseason:

• It hasn't been a big money type of year. Of course the Yankees are in it, but no Red Sox, Cubs, or Mets (LOLz) means that only two of the top nine highest-paid teams (the Yanks and Phillies) made the postseason. The squads with the 21st- (Rays) and 27th- (Rangers) highest Opening Day payrolls both made the cut.
• It has been a good year for very good teams. For the first time since 2004, and only the third time since the wild card was introduced in '95, all eight teams have at least 90 wins.
• New, young stars. America, meet David Price, Jason Heyward, Joey Votto, and Buster Posey.
• Five words: outdoor October baseball in Minneapolis. Expect to see those really cool Elmer Fudd-style fitteds with the ear flaps.
• Great story lines. But for that, you'll have to read on...

Matchup: Tampa Bay Rays vs. Texas Rangers

Payrolls: Rays ($71.9 million) vs. Rangers ($55.3 million)


Feel-Good Story: The Rays are pretty much a constant feel-good (II) story: They just wrapped up their second AL East title in three years, playing in the most competitive division in sports, against the two undisputed behemoths in their game (the Yanks and Red Sox), both of whom started the year with payrolls more than twice as high as Tampa's. And this is the last go-round for this Rays club as well: Longtime leftfielder Carl Crawford (who was there in the bad old days) is definitely gone, as is closer Rafael Soriano. The Rangers have a manager who nearly lost his job for doing coke (Ron Washington), and a superstar who nearly lost his life to crack (Josh Hamilton), plus they were bought this year by signature badass Nolan Ryan. Still, it's Advantage: Rays


Style Points: Tampa Bay centerfielder B.J. Upton might be the most stylish player in baseball, and not just because he got some tips from us. Their manager, Joe Maddon, even has a dope Buddy-Holly-glasses-and-hoodie steez. But the Rays get major, major, MAJOR deductions for playing in probably the worst ballpark in the history of baseball. Between Hamilton's tattoos and Washington's '70s style, we've got to go Advantage: Rangers


On the Field: All eyes will be on the Yanks-Twins tilt, but this series might have the most combined talent of any this year: two MVP candidates (Hamilton and the Rays' Evan Longoria), one Cy Young possibility (Tampa's David Price), and the likely AL Rookie of the Year (Texas closer Neftali Feliz). Advantage: Rays


Prediction: If Rangers' ace Cliff Lee (he's been injured and inconsistent the second half of the year) can hold his own against Price tomorrow, this will be interesting. My guess is he won't though, so it's Tampa in 4

Matchup: New York vs. Minnesota

Payrolls: Yankees ($206.3 million) vs. Twins ($95.6 million)


Feel-Good Story: Not sure the Yanks are ever on the plus side of the karma thing, but maybe they can work up some us against the world indignation since they're the most expensive wild-card winner ever. The Twins have a new stadium, plus all their fans have to go into hibernation once the season's over and you kind of feel like weeping for them in general. Advantage: Minnesota


Style Points: The Twins have the new stadium, Jim Thome's great home-run swing, and...not much else. The Yankees have C.C. Sabathia and the ubiquitous Yankee fitted. On the last one alone, we've got to go Advantage: New York


On the Field: The Yankees' rotation is a mess, the Twins have a great lefty starter (Francisco Liriano) to counter New York's lefty-leaning lineup, and...it's still hard to not think that the Yanks have the superior squad. They've got like 30 guys on their team who hit 20 homers this year; the Twins only have 25 dudes on their whole roster! Advantage: New York


Prediction: New York pummels mediocre pitching, and the Twins' Game 2 starter is some guy named Carl Pavano. If Pavano wins that game though, all bets are off. New York in 5

Matchup: Cincinnati Reds vs. Philadelphia Phillies

Payrolls: Reds ($72.4 million) vs. Phillies ($141.9 million)


Feel-Good Story: The Reds simply being in the playoffs is the biggest story here. They haven't made the postseason since

Matchup: Atlanta Braves vs. San Francisco Giants

Payrolls: Atlanta ($84.4 million) vs. Giants ($97.8 million)


Feel-Good Story: Bobby Cox, Bobby Cox, Bobby Cox. The Braves' long, longtime manager is retiring after this year. This is the guy that 95% of over-35 white America is rooting for. Go Giants! Advantage: Giants


Style Points: Giants' ace Tim Lincecum has taken the baseball mullet to such previously unseen lengths that he almost looks cool. Almost. But we can't go with the Braves, because as soon as they announce the starting lineups in the ATL the crowd's gonna start doing the fucking Tomahawk Chop. Advantage: Giants


On the Field: Good pitching beats good hitting; the Giants have the former, the Braves don't even really have the latter. Advantage: Giants


Prediction: Probably the most lopsided of the Division Series. Giants in 3