Tony Romo says he's ready to steer the Cowboys. Pause.
Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo is under a lot of pressure lately, and no, this time it's not because a beastly defense is gang raping him. Last season was cursed by controversy as star receiver Terrell Owens claimed that Romo was conspiring to not throw him balls that he could in turn drop (yes, the same Owens who showed public support for his QB a year earlier by crying when the press criticized Romo for losing yet another playoff game). Such turmoil may have led to the Cowboys getting reamed 44-6 by the Philadelphia Eagles in their final game, putting an exclamation point on a late season collapse.
This week, Romo caught more flak as teammates anonymously bitched that his inconsistent practices affected game day chemistry and Hall of Fame Cowboy Troy Aikman called him out for not taking the biggest job in Texas seriously enough. The '90s star said that Romo should know that, regardless of whether or not he was prepared for his playoff game, vacationing with Jessica Simpson in Mexico on a bye week last year gave people the perception that he isn't focused on winning (and that he loves these hos, a definite no-no in professional sports).
As a result of all the cow shit being shoveled on him, Romo spoke to the Dallas Morning News and vowed to be a more active leader next year. Complex has five steps that 'Mo will have to take to lead the Cowboys to glory.
1. Spend less time sucking face with Jessica Simpson (or whichever blonde tackling dummy he's replaced her with) and spend more time tonguing down his attention-starved teammates. Romo needs to understand that, like all women, T.O. has needs.
2. Concuss Troy Aikman in the hopes that he'll retire from broadcasting when he can no longer form simple sentences, remember clichÃƒÂ©s or reminisce about the D's '90s glory days while shitting all over Romo.
3. If T.O. gives him even the slightest problem, replace his usual protein powder with ultra weight gainer. Owens may cry more than usual but there's no way he'll draw attention to himself when he's developed super-sized Texas man tits.
4. Include teammates in his fraternity karaoke sing-alongs. On-field harmony begins with getting together with as many big sweaty dudes can fit in a private room and hitting high notes while doing belly shots off each other.
5. Stop looking like a fresh faced pushover and start looking like a man who has the balls to play under center in Dallas. It's time Romo grew some real stubble. Brett Favre is proof that the more grizzled you look, the less likely people are to call you out when you display an historic ability to complete passes to the other team.