Joe Torre's third person memoir (plausible deniability, ya dig?) The Yankee Years drops next Tuesday, but it's already causing controversy in the sports world. In excerpts released this week, the former Yankee manager throws a bunch of his ex-colleagues under the bus, and we're sure there will be more buzz when the book hits stands next week.
What won't be in the book, however, are the following excerpts'obtained exclusively for Complex.com*'deemed too juicy to print. You'll never look at the man Derek Jeter calls Mr. Torre the same again...
THE REAL SOURCE OF THE RIFT WITH YANKEE BRASS
• "Things first went sour between Torre and the Yankee front office during spring training in 2005. Torre's personal grooming had long been a bone of contention for George Steinbrenner, with the Boss asking the manager whether he used HGH on his prodigious nose hairs and constantly telling him he'd missed a spot shaving. That spring, after Steinbrenner pointed out that Torre "once again" had some dandruff on his jersey, Joe snapped, telling Steinbrenner, "Hey big guy, you got a big ol' booger hanging from your nose." It was actually scar tissue from a cancerous mole the Boss had had removed that morning; their relationship would never be the same again."
DEREK JETER'S EARLY GIRLFRIENDS
• "Torre had picked up photography whiling away summer afternoons as a minor leaguer in Topeka, and in the mid-'90s the hobby helped him bond with his star shortstop. Before he began dating pop divas like Mariah Carey, Jeter would spend his off-seasons trolling for girls on Florida's west coast by telling them he was Tom Petty's cousin. Torre tagged along, keeping a photographic record of Jeter's conquests. A dedicated family man, Torre never participated in the Cuervo-fuelled romps himself, although he occasionally enjoyed having one of Jeter's paramours braid his nose hairs."
HIS SECRET ALLIANCE WITH PEDRO MARTINEZ
• "By the 2003 American League Championship Series Torre's frustration with Don Zimmer had reached a boiling point. For much of the season the longtime Yankee bench coach had been yelling "Hey batta, batta, saa-WING!" at his own players and had successfully convinced half the bullpen that pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre was a cyborg sent by the Texas Rangers to ruin their screwballs. When he ran into Pedro at a Back Bay Stop & Shop before Game 3, Torre hatched a plan to get his revenge, showing the pitcher his secret 72-year-old bald geezer takedown move. The next day Torre nearly choked on his nose hairs in glee as he watched Zimmer writhing on the ground."
HIS UNRELEASED RAP ALBUM WITH RUDY GIULIANI
• "In 2006, after the Yanks were bounced from the playoffs in the first round for the second consecutive year, Torre teamed with golfing buddy and longtime Yankee stan Rudy Giuliani to "fire back at all the haters" with a hardcore rap album. Rhyming over beats provided by Gary Sheffield, the pair recorded some 15 tracks, including 'Everyone Nose (Hairs),' 'Quinton McCracken's On the Way,' and 'Machine Gun Bunt.' The project was ulimately shelved two weeks prior to its intended release, due to Torre's insistence on including the controversial track 'A-Rod Money' (leading Sheffield to imply that Torre was a racist)."
THE NIGHT HE CUCKOLDED HALF THE PITCHERS IN THE MAJOR LEAGUES (AND CARL PAVANO, TOO)
• "Wrecked on Big League Chew and Fuzzy Navels, Torre stumbled into a White Plains Ruby Tuesday's after announcing his departure from the Yankees, looking for some jalapeno poppers to take the edge off. After lodging a few in his tangled nose hairs, he was approached by a young woman in a matching MLB-licensed halter top/hot pants set who offered to help clean him up. The next thing he knew, he was drifting off to sleep next to the woman as she sat up in bed and began to fill out the 'manager' line on a well-worn lineup card."
*Yes, we made all of these up. But as far as we know, they could be true.
