10 Things Sneakerheads Don't Do (And Probably Shouldn't)

Image via Complex Original

"Man, I'm a sneakerhead. I wear sneakers everywhere. Why shouldn't I?" Damn right, B. Wear sneakers to your prom, wear sneakers to your graduation, wear sneakers to your wedding. Hell, get buried in your sneakers - give "Fresh Out the Box" a whole new meaning. And when you look back at photos of yourself on those special days (OK, well, except the last one), just explain to anyone curious enough to ask that this is your LIFE, man.

Not to be all "back in my day," but back in my day hardly anyone doubled up on shoes just because they liked them. Most of the time it was a struggle to just get one pair. (Also, it was an uphill walk to school, both ways, in the snow.) We got one pair of whatever it was, wore them until they could be worn no more, then moved on to the next pair. So live like a kid. When you see a pair you really like, buy a pair, put them on in the store, and wear them until the soles fall off. Or don't. Whatever. Your loss.

Sure you play basketball sometimes. And sure you run - when you hear there's one pair of Dunks in your size left at Supreme. But let's not get all crazy here. Just because you collect athletic shoes doesn't make you an athlete. (And just because you hit GOAL on your Nike Fuelband every day doesn't make you an athlete, either. Give your wrist a break.)

"What's that? Try these on? There's only 150 pairs in the world, and I don't want to lace them up and take the paper out. Plus, they might crease, and then I'll have to describe them as VVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVNDS on eBay when I sell them in six months. Besides, if I do put them on, it's going to be somewhere a lot cooler to Instagram than here. Heck, if I Instagram them at the store, how will anyone know I actually bought them? Just bag them up. You take Discover, right?"

"But it makes the whites whiter!" Maybe so. But it also ruins suede and leather, damages midsoles, and makes one hell of a racket. Please don't.

So you've been clicking refresh on that new pair for a half-hour now and you finally got through and your size is gone. So is the next size up and the next size down. But they're not completely sold out yet, and while the last size left won't even come close to fitting, at least the resale price will help make up for the time spent. And hell, no one would have left your size for you. Right? Right.

Hey, it's a risky world out there, filled as it is with rain, mud, and other things that might mess up your kicks. And seeing that you can just buy whatever you need online and have it shipped straight to your door, there's no need to go out there. Besides, who needs friends when you have the internet? And remember, as long as you don't wear them outside, your sneakers are still deadstock, no matter how many times you try them on.

If your Instagram is any indication, all you ever do is buy sneakers and eat. OK, and maybe you take care of a cat. And hey, that's fine by us. Because the deep, dark sneakerhead secret is that that IS all you do. Who has time for anything else?

It's kind of funny how the same people who claim "it's just different" or whatever the latest catchphrase is still line up (or click "refresh" a hundred billion times) to try and buy the same sneakers everyone else is trying to buy. Sure, only a limited number of people actually get them, but everyone tries just the same. Want to actually be different? Go through clearance sections, or try buying sneakers from a sports-specific retailer who carries brands you've never even heard of. Oh, you don't want to be THAT different. Of course you don't.

We know. It's hard. Especially with whatever and that other thing dropping on Saturday, and who wants to pay reseller prices? No one, that's who. And God forbid you miss out on those, because who knows when they'll ever come out again? The best thing to do is to go buy buy buy, and add them to the stack right on top of that other pair you bought last weekend. The ones you absolutely couldn't live without. What were they again? Oh, it doesn't matter.