ISIS Bans Nike

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Is nothing sacred? After banning skinny jeans a couple of weeks ago, the higher-ups at ISIS are now calling for an all-out ban on the Nike Swoosh appearing on anyone of its members in an effort to become the most swagless jihadist group in the world according to the Daily Mail.

This news comes from a pamphlet ISIS leadership is distributing that outlines the guidelines for what its followers should wear. Apparently, Nike was singled out among others for a few reasons: One militant follower compared wearing the Swoosh to wearing a Christian cross, while others say it was singled out due to its connection to a Greek goddess of the same name (who actually personifies victory, so I don't know why they would want to lose that connection). It also sounds similar to sexual phrases in Arabic. I guess that explains why I get a boner looking a fire kicks, but I'll save that for my next thinkpiece.

The question on footwear industry experts' minds now shifts to just who will snag that coveted debut ISIS collaboration? Adidas (who've previously worked with other much-hyped brands like the Nazis)? Reebok? Skechers? We'll update you as soon as we know more.