Stop. Sneaker time. NikeLab, the newest addition in Nike's line of innovation, is dropping another "Genealogy of Free" pack next week. Six models, one colorway. The company did a Genealogy of Free collection a couple months ago that used yellow as an accent color, so it was pretty wack. Luckily, it's remedying that situation with this murdered the fuck out line, which hits stores on July 31st. If Nike doesn't find the chill sometime soon my credit card is going to bring a repeated harassment suit against me.

Some advice: If you want to wear your shoes in the pool like Frank Costanza, hit up those Sock Racers. Or, if you're in your right mind, any of the Free models. Then, of course, you can always get fully torqued with the Air Rift, the patron footwear saint of goth ninjas everywhere. But, if you want to prove yourself as the true heir to the throne, the choice is obvious: Presto. Your gait will be so fucking pure you could win the Westminster Dog Show, dawg.