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The team here at Sneaker Report has been nothing if not consistent. Do not hit on girls at the gym, we said. Do not flirt with girls at the gym, we said. They do not want to be bothered, we said. We have gotten an influx of emails, however, from some of you out there who let us know that you are still hell-bent on catching the eye of the spandex-clad vixen of your dreams. Well, don’t say we didn’t warn you and don’t make us say we told you so … but … for those of you who can’t take a hint, here are the 10 Best Ways To Get Girls to Notice You at the Gym.
No. 10 - Make as much noise as possible while lifting weights.
Any run-of-the-mill male can breathe in and out while lifting. You need to stand out from the pack. The best way to do that is to punctuate even the easiest of workouts with needless grunting. Maybe even vocalize phrases, like “Oh Yeah” or “One more. One more. ONE MORE!” Human beings are animals, and just like the beasts of the wild, you too have a mating call. Let it loose proudly.
No. 9 - Bring as many workout accessories as you can.
Again, most guys will just bring a water bottle and maybe weightlifting gloves. But you aren’t “most guys”. Think about it this way. What do ladies do when they go out on the town? They accessorize! Rather than make-up, a cute clutch, and bracelets, you can bring a weightlifting belt, a bandana, several towels and maybe even your own weightlifting chalk, regardless of need. The ladies won’t be able to help but take you seriously as you unpack your backpack before each workout.
No. 8 - Wear the most ridiculous expensive headphones possible.
The last several years have been a Renaissance of expensive headphones. Dr. Dre and his several hundred dollar Beats have led the charge. Just as the certain exotic birds grow colorful plumage to allure mates, so should you invest in neon headphones to be worn whenever you are out in public. Whether it is lime green, ice blue, or fuschia that adorns your ears, ladies will come flocking to your bass bumping buds.
No. 7. Stick to this rule: high weight, low reps.
Even if you can only do one rep, girls are going to notice when you pile weight on to that bar. Believe us. And if you do happen to fail when you try to bench 250, the scar or broken arm you get from your stunt will look like a badge of honor. What lady doesn’t love a wounded fitness soldier?
No. 6 - Attend an aerobics, yoga, spinning or Zumba Class.
What’s that? You think that ignoring cardio and focusing on pumping iron is going to get you chicks? My man, you are going to be all bulk and no bite. Why not join one of the many fitness classes that your over-priced gym has to offer? When the ladies in the class totally dominate your shallow-breathing self and leave you in the dust, you might get some pity from a Jillian Michaels / Florence Nightingale in the class. Maybe she’ll offer to give you some remedial instruction after class, or if you are really in over your head, some CPR.
No. 5 - Wear your best graphic tee
We are living in a lucky time in America. You can get black or grey shirts with all sorts of glittery icons on them. Whether it is a skull, a bird of prey, or “Ed Hardy” spelled out in rhinestones wrapped around a barbed wire heart, there are too many awesome graphic tees on the market not to be wearing one at all times. Luckily many athletic brands like “Tap Out” make graphic tees these days, so you can look far tougher than you really are in style!
No. 4 - Visit the Water Fountain Early and Often
In most gyms, the water fountain is situated in the middle of the action, between the weights, the cardio machines, and the mats. This means that no matter what your preferred workout station might be, here you can walk amongst the tribes. So, take your time approaching the fountain. Strut your way into line and flex as you lean in for a long gulp of H2O. Better yet, fill up your huge water bottle. That way the ladies can get a nice, solid look at your biceps as you prepare for rehydration.
No. 3 - Wear Your Complimentary Gym T-Shirt
When you join one of the country’s mega-gyms, whether it be Gold’s, Bally’s or Planet Fitness, you normally get a complimentary t-shirt. While it is usually four sizes too big for you, it still marks you as a dedicated gym rat. Cut off the sleeves to show off those guns and you are in business. Bonus points if you get mistaken for a member of the gym’s staff and try to talk her in to your own personal training session.
No. 2 - Let Her Catch You Staring
There is nothing that a woman is more interested in after a hard day of work than being ogled as she works out. This may sound counterintuitive, as women often do their best to position themselves away from the weights, behind a column, as far from prying eyes as possible and repeatedly ask you politely to leave you alone. But, don’t let that stop you. Find any excuse you can to wander into the other areas of the gym, so you can lock eyes with the gym vixen of your dreams.
No. 1 - Critique Her Workout
Finally, you can take it to the next level. Why stop at simply trying to get the girls to notice you. Let them know you notice them and that you notice that they could improve their form. Even if the lady has her earphones planted firmly in her ears and she is deep in the zen-like focus of her workout, interrupt her. Let her know how she can improve her workout and she might just improve your rolodex with her telephone number.