The Best Simpsons Characters Ranked

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Lisa Simpson is the original overachieving, anxiety ridden social justice warrior who showed a generation that it’s perfectly normal for girls to be eclectic, outspoken, and probably smarter than you. Parental inadequacies and a world that thinks young girls should be reduced to misogynistic Malibu Stacy catchphrases forced her to grow up fast and headstrong, and we watched little Lisa Lionheart discover her passions, hypocrisies, crushes, and heartbreaks all at the tender age of 8. Such range is rarely given to female characters, let alone young girls, and Lisa’s passion is immortalized in lizard queen memes forever.

Sure they’re technically two people, but Marge’s sisters really operate as a codependent unit that seems to exist purely to smoke cigarettes, hate Homer, watch MacGyver, and suck the fun out of virtually everything. Despite their tough shells and narcissism, Patty and Selma’s storylines have revealed a deep desire within both to find romantic partners of their own. Selma has been married to and divorced from such eligible Springfield bachelors as Sideshow Bob, Disco Stu, Troy McClure, Abraham Simpson, Fat Tony, and Lionel Hutz, while Patty nearly married Principal Skinner and ultimately wed her pro golfer sweetheart, Veronica.

The Simpsons has a knack for deriving comedy from some depressingly realistic family dynamics, and they do it to perfection with the Van Houten family. Millhouse is sad-sack enough at the age of 10, but his cowardice and poor social skills are nothing compared to his deadbeat, mid-life crisis-ing dad Kirk. There’s some stiff competition in the Springfield universe for the title of most pathetic character, but with a post-divorce race car bed, weekend “pity custody” of Millhouse, and a demo tape entitled "Can I Borrow a Feeling?," he’s at least rivaling Moe Szyslak.

Lisa may have put it best when she mused that Nelson is “a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest.” Leader of the bullies and often Bart’s rival, Nelson always seems to appear just in time to kick a Springfield citizen when they’re already down with his iconic, “ha-HA!” But like every great Simpsons character, Nelson is more complicated than he appears. His aggression stems from neglect and poverty, and he hides an intelligence and sensitivity that many characters, including Marge and Lisa t,ry to tease out with their affections. Nelson is Lisa’s first kiss, and he seems to carry a torch for her throughout the series.

Sideshow Bob’s sporadic appearances have made for some of the series’ most insane and entertaining episodes, and not just because his only motivation is murdering one of the show’s main characters. A disillusioned sidekick to Krusty the Clown turned recidivist criminal, Sideshow Bob’s intent to kill Bart pulls the Simpsons (and other citizens of Springfield) out of their already bonkers status quo into even more wild, high stakes adventures. One classic episode parodies the Scorsese film Cape Fear, and perfectly captures Bob as both the cold blooded killer and former circus clown he truly is by having him end up wrecked by a series of physical gags. For example, Bob is smacked in the face by a dozen rakes that he himself steps on. Voiced by Kelsey Grammer, Sideshow Bob’s etiquette and refined tastes make him more intriguing as a villain and ultimately contribute to his inevitable failures.

Smithers is Mr. Burn’s devoted assistant, his self-proclaimed best friend, and a totally underrated Simpsons character. Waylon Smithers was orphaned when his father, Burns’ previous assistant, was killed by radiation poisoning after saving Springfield. Burns became like a father figure...that Smithers is also in love with? You know, typical Simpsons stuff. Smithers has few friends or interests outside Mr. Burns, but is an avid Malibu Stacy doll collector and fanatic. Smithers’ devotion to his boss is challenged constantly due to Mr. Burns being a hellish, capitalistic creature of a man, and he is often put in the position of trying to mitigate one of Burns’ schemes to get rich and destroy life on Earth.

The one-time object of his affection, Bart described Jessica Lovejoy as being “like a Milk Dud; sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.” Jessica is Reverend Lovejoy’s daughter, a femme fatale who manipulates Bart and others with her good-girl act after being expelled from boarding school and returning to Springfield. Bart’s affection for Jessica wanes as he realizes she’s more criminal than troublemaker, and he is left both broken hearted and framed for her crime of stealing the collection plate at church. His time with Jessica reveals a depth and conscience to Bart that is rarely explored.

The creation of Jeffrey "Jeff" Albertson, better known as Comic Book Guy, may be the greatest service ever performed by The Simpsons, because it gave me something totally ridiculous and non-threatening to picture whenever someone screams at me on the internet. Comic Book Guy is a pompous mansplainer to the max who thinks everything is the “worst...ever,” and lives to crush the spirits of anyone who dares enter his shop. His low ponytail, fanaticism for all things pop-culture and sci-fi, and constant narration of his life make Comic Book Guy as unforgettable as he is unlikeable.

Okay, Homer is an obvious choice, and understandably many people's pick for the show's best character. A patriarchal icon, an animated sensation, a deadbeat dad with a heart of gold, Homer Simpson is the cornerstone of The Simpsons, and maybe the most quotable character of all-time (the man has five different catchphrases). Representative of the Everyman trying to achieve the American dream while stuck in a 9 to 5 hamster wheel, Homer epitomizes the flawed protagonist with his drinking, overeating, and the general buffoonery that land the Simpsons in misfortune again and again. But Homer is just as often a loving dad and husband to his family as he is total schlub—​and isn’t that what fatherhood is really all about? Hmm...maybe I’ve been watching this show for too long.

I mean, come on: Bart’s the star. He’s got the skateboard, he’s got the ‘tude, he’s got some of the best catchphrases a '90s kid could ask for. But Bart’s not just the troublemaker writing chalkboard sentences during detention every day. He’s a misunderstood pre-teen with more energy and ingenuity than his distracted parents and teachers know what to do with. That, plus some questionable punishments tactics from his father (read: strangling), lands in him a lot of trouble that lives at the show's core. Some people might think Bart is overrated, but honestly, they can eat my shorts.