For those who really like the feeling of having the bejesus scared out of you, haunted houses are an enticing concept. Even the best scary movie won’t be able to literally jump out and grab you. Even those who aren’t easily scared might have to eat their words. And when Halloween rolls around, haunted houses take on a new significance, and often organizers go all out to really provide the screams around this time of year.
But not everyone is scared by the same things, and haunted houses pose a slew of logistic problems. Guests must either walk through the house at an equal pace, or unpredictable lines will begin to form, killing the entire haunted vibe. But if you rush guests through, they’ll likely feel even more offended than having to wait for hours in line. Similarly, if you’re a particularly popular attraction, your actors might be tasked with scaring literally hundreds of people a night. Even the best horror actors won’t be able to hit the mark every single time. If it’s been a long night during an even longer season, the enthusiasm might be hard to maintain, cheapening the experience for some visitors. Finally, if you’re going to be around for more than just one Halloween, you need to either innovate every single year and invest in new sets, new decorations, and new concepts yearly, or you won’t get repeat customers. Just thinking of all the planning that needs to go into such a business is exhausting.
But where there’s a business, there are Yelp reviews. Reviews for a haunted house tend to be pretty typical, and most visitors complain about waiting times or not being scared enough. But there are some that take it just that one step too far into the land of ridiculousness, which make hilarious lists like these possible.