Samantha Bee Tells NRA Minions to Ditch Their Gun Cult for 'Safer' Scientology

Despite what you may think, Xenu was not a card-carrying NRA member.

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Hey, gun-fuckers. Why not trade in your big dumb gun cult for a big dumb gun-freecult?

On Wednesday, Samantha Bee invited surely impotent NRA members to ditch that particular cult for one that would at least keep everyone else a bit safer: Scientology. Arguably, the culty vibes of Scientology can also be found in basically every other religion, but I digress. I'm up for anything that stops these death peddlers from gun-fucking.

"NRA members, we're calling on you to break free from the NRA, and join Scientology instead!" Bee said in a clip from the latest episode of Full Frontal. "Scientology can fill all the holes in your soul that the NRA currently does. It will bless you with fear, power fantasies, a creepily ageless leader, and merch. Is Scientology safe? Of course not. It's bonkers! But it's, like, safer for the rest of us. So, if it keeps you from feeling like you need to load up on AR-15s, then hail Xenu or whatever the fuck." 

Xenu, for what it's worth, is apparently some sort of galactic overlord.

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Also on Wednesday, a new gun safety bill passed the Florida House. Though the bill doesn't ban assault weapons or block the sale of AR-15s, it does render bump stocks illegal and raise the minimum gun purchase age to 21. For some reason, the bill also allows for the arming of select school employees through a a voluntary marshal program. The bill is now headed to Gov. Rick Scott.

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