Author Nicholas Sparks has a way of making us all feel like we're doing relationships wrong. Considering every one of his novels-turned-films from Message in a Bottle to the upcoming Safe Haven, we can already tell you there's clearly not enough row boat rides under the sun, epic jump-kisses in the rain, and tear-stained, poetic letters in our love lives. And that's just a fraction of it. This is 10 ways to treat girls according to the guy who wrote The Notebook. Because if she's a bird, then you're a damn bird, too. Got it?
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Terrify her into going out with you.
Don't speak to her, just smile.
Let her know how she's feeling inside.
Threaten to get her wet.
Kiss her in the rain.
If it's not raining, kissing her in the shower will suffice.
Announce all sexual advances.
Keep her by your side, or else she'll marry the terminally ill guy.
Pelt her in the face with mud.
Explode the clothing off her body.
Put her on your boat.
Put her on your smaller boat.
Sacrifice your sense of self to make her happy.
Silence her.
Make her feel alive by trying to get her killed.
Waterboard her with kisses.
Buy her a star.
