Image via Complex Original
You may miss your youth. You may miss summer break. You may miss the days where somebody else bought you groceries. All that is normal. But one thing you probably don't miss about the "old days" is your limited gaming options. Let's face it, the NES couldn't hold PS4's dick. Still, at the time you didn't know better. Gaming was gaming, and those early 8-bit seeds were planted giving us all an addiction to control characters on-screen for life. But just like the dinosaurs the NES succumbed to a meteor technology. Slowly they died off with only a handful of working NES's still chugging, and only hand-picked selections turning into downloadable titles from yester-decade. The only viable solution to reacquiring some of those gaming memories? Nintendo8.com, an NES emulator that's transferred hundreds of titles onto the comupter for easy access.
However, there are some definite catches to the website. Some of the links are broken (which disqualifies them from the "Play Right Now" caveat). And there's no instruction manuals. Most importantly, only a pittance of titles translate to your keyboard. That being said, even if you play them and they suck, who cares? They're free. That's like whining that the shirt you shoplifted doesn't fit quite right. Nobody's shedding crocodile tears for any of us. But you should be forewarned that many of the titles on that site don't work quite right. Platformers (which were a lot of what Nintendo did well with the limited nature of non-3D gaming) are a perfect example. They're too reliant upon quick reactions and changes of direction and when you have 20 years experience of D-Pad on the left and A/B on the right, that's a tough habit to re-wire.
Because of that you have to dig deep to find the gems. Titles like Metroid, Duck Tales and Kirby's Adventure are all here but they don't work well in this limited capacity. Sorry if that's a buzzkill (though you're still free to try). I sorted through a lot of crap so you don't have to. Here's The 10 Best Games You Can Play on Nintendo8.com Right Now:
Note: I was trying to get some variety here. I chose 1942 so I ditched Galaga. I chose Dr. Mario so I ignored Yoshi. As for Tetris, you could play that on your calculator 15 years ago.
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Honorable Mention: Super Mario Bros.
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A once-in-a-generation game that put video games back onto the map and possibly saved the entire industry. For many of us (including me) this was the first console title we ever played. That alone makes it worth it's weight in nostalgic gold. But it does not work on the keyboard. Configuring your hands to nail the precise timing needed (especially in the later levels) is nigh impossible. In fact, one of my greatest gaming achievements was getting to level 6-2 with this wretched setup (seriously, try to top that).
Most every 2D platformer is about sustaining speed, and as the pinnacle of the genre Super Mario Bros. is no different. Mario is a lot like driving on the interstate, when you stop your momentum you're fucked. And because of that we give it a nod (it is the most popular title on the site, after all) but I'm warning you it's ten times more frustrating than it is fun.
10. Paperboy 2
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Paperboy 2 worked just well enough to squeeze into our top ten. Still you're going to suffer some bumps and bruises both figuratively, and when you punch a hole through your computer monitor when you crash for the 50th time. Seriously, in the first five minutes I got bit by a dog, hit by a car, and shot because a neighbor put a fucking cannon in his front yard and aimed it at the paperboy! Still, I got the feeling that anybody willing to invest a few hours could get the hang of it and that's something that I may well do...
...if all my friends die and everything in the house besides the computer breaks.
9. Balloon Fight
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(Stay with me, because this is going somewhere.)
A long time ago, my parents got me Animal Crossing for my birthday and I lied and told all my high school friends that I just wanted it because I had read that you could play old Nintendo games. That was a half truth as, yes, I've always yearned to play the old classics (after foolishly giving away my Nintendo to charity, like a sucker). But I also yearned to interior decorate along with a bunch of anthropomorphic animals who accepted me as their own.
Since I had never played before that was just a theory, but when I got Animal Crossing I switched to 100% interior decorator as I was totally disappointed with the shit cast-offs that Nintendo heaped upon us and billed as "classics" (Pinball and Tennis, really?). That is, except for Balloon Fight, which I had never heard of as a really young kid, but grew addicted to after finding it in AC. This entry may be the only on this list that isn't in Nintendo 8's "Top 100," but it damn well should be as it translates, and it's simplicity makes it ideal for what this emulator is trying to accomplish.
Note: If you click the link and you're confused why you can't move, tap 'X'.
8. ExciteBike
Another game that was obtainable in Animal Crossing was this 2D side-scrolling racer that was released in the arcade all the way back in 1984. What better way to celebrate it's 30th anniversary then to click the above link, play for five minutes, say "That was okay, I guess," and then pop Titanfall into your Xbox for the rest of the afternoon?
7. Double Dragon
A bygone genre that used to get all of our nipples hard back in the '80s/'90s. Now today's jaded gamers play more sophisticated cell phone titles on the can. It's a real shame because the "Beat 'Em Up" category was a great way to release some pent up aggression via button mashing. Unfortunately, we will admit that these games are best played with another player, which is something that doesn't appear possible on Nintendo 8.
6. 1942
Along with the just mentioned Double Dragon, the 1984 release 1942 (that's somewhat confusing) doesn't skip a beat with online emulation. It works fine with keyboards as it's just a top down scroller where you move in one direction. Still, it reminds you how mind-boggingly tough video games used to be. If we wanted to put up with 1-hit deaths, we'd put the controller down and play real life.
5. Blades of Steel
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What Tecmo Bowl was to 8-bit football, Blades of Steel was to 8-bit hockey. A game that's simplified for the masses, yet endearing enough to the diehard (granted this was released in 1988 when the "diehard" had tempered expectations) but if you're a hockey fan this'll serve as a welcome distraction from both the offseason and work.
4. Tecmo Super Bowl
Speaking of Tecmo Bowl, the sequel Tecmo Super Bowl was the title that brought me to Nintendo 8 in the first place. Whilst Nintendo was barred from bringing this classic to the Virtual Console (due to NFL licensing agreements) whoever put Nintendo 8 together clearly doesn't give a fuck about breaking the law (which is good for all of us). Tecmo Super Bowl came in an era before the hyper-realistic sim, and dare I say, I prefer it over Madden. You can polish off a season in an afternoon, and the simplified gameplay/controls/whatever (which circumvent needless complication) reminds me why I feel pangs of nostalgia in the first place.
3. Dr. Mario
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A game about Mario throwing pills at you until one combination finally clicks and he cures your disease. If you overdose, it's a 'Game Over.' Like a number of offerings on this list, it holds up well to the console-to-computer transition. The best endorsement I can give it is that if you play this game you'll be entertained.
And if you don't, you'll slowly go mad before committing a series of crimes that make Jeffrey Dahmer look like a jaywalker.
2. Pac-Man
All you need is some directional buttons and you're set to play this timeless gem. Within five minutes you'll remember how addictive these simplistic concepts were. It also may jog your memory of how games of skill used to work. In the past, you did your best to be the owner of that Hi-Score in the upper right corner. Now you get your bragging rights by playing online, sniping some guy who only has time to play once a week, and then dipping your virtual nuts in his mouth while laughing at how bad he sucks.
1. Legend of Zelda
If you're a teen and you can't wait for Zelda eventually coming to the Wii U (a.k.a. the only reason to buy a Wii U) and you've been playing the series since Wind Waker, you're probably thinking "Surely the series didn't stem from this screenshotted turd above.") Well, pay some respect to your elders and click the link (pun intention undecided).
When you play this, revel in the fact that you grew up in an era of advanced AI and HD graphics. Also, revel in the fact that you live in a world of hard drive storage, since there's no way (at least that I can figure out) to save your progress. That means you're going to be keeping the browser open for a while as it's not exactly a short game (not by '80s standards).
Like every Zelda it starts out slow, but there's a reason it's always near the apex of "Top (Blank) Games" lists. If you played this all the way through, and you still think it sucks, you were probably just blind to classics born after 1998.