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If SpaceX's historic Falcon Heavy launch didn't excite you to the point of near-mania Tuesday, then congratulations: You're a dolt.
Though we live in dark and draining times, the launch managed to help us briefly forget about that nonsense and marvel at what people are capable of when they're not burdened by anti-intellectualism. Fittingly, the feat was even daring enough for Late Show host Stephen Colbert to relinquish his "King Nerd" crown to SpaceX founder Elon Musk.
"You all know SpaceX, the rocket and design and manufacturing company started by Tesla founder Elon Musk," Colbert said on Tuesday night's Late Show. "Today, they did a test launch of their biggest rocket yet." While showing footage of the launch to his audience, Colbert let his own excitement be known. "Whew! Go baby, go!" he said. "And that was just the beginning. The Falcon Heavy's boosters disengaged and had to land safely on landing pads with pinpoint accuracy. Check that out! The Falcons have landed! The Falcons have landed! Screw the Eagles, the Falcons win the Super Bowl. Give 'em the trophy."
What the Falcon Heavy's successful launch proved, however, is even more significant. "Here's the kicker, this is the really exciting part," Colbert said. "The launch was to demonstrate that the Falcon was not only reusable, but that the Falcon Heavy could carry a large payload. To test it, Elon Musk sent up his own Tesla convertible with a dummy astronaut at the wheel blasting David Bowie's 'Life on Mars.' That's right. This is absolutely true. A giant phallus cranking rock 'n' roll releasing a red convertible into the dark void. And the award for Most Midlife Crisis goes to Elon Musk."
All phallic jokes aside, Colbert was impressed by Musk's nod to Douglas Adams. "On the touchscreen it says 'Don't Panic,' which as we all know is a reference to Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," he said. "We get it, Musk. You're King Nerd. I relinquish my crown. Here, come claim it."