Mariah Carey: Queen of Pettiness, Queen of the Holiday Season, and now, Queen of Reality TV. We’ve all taken some serious Ls this year, but at least the debut of Mariah’s World tonight restored some semblance of right in the world. The show is preeetty crazy, but not in the way you’d expect. The show allows us to see how involved Mariah is in every aspect of her artistic persona: she does her “engineering” (i.e. works with her sound guy to construct melodies for the concert), starts rehearsing choreography at 10:30pm and doesn’t stop until well after 3 a.m., and even picks her dancers (“the white guy has to go”). It’s why Mariah calls her show a documentary and not a reality show—that really sets the tone for the whole thing, even if the first thing we hear from her is, “I have never wanted to do this documentary in my life.” Mariah is entirely in control of how her story is told, even if she can’t control how that story unfolds in real life.

The first episode throws us right into the hectic days leading up to Mariah’s European tour, when she’s still planning her wedding to ex-fiancé, James Packer. The scenes of Mariah gushing over Packer and her impending wedding are painful to watch because we know just how much things have changed since this was filmed; that wedding is called off now, and the dress that fit Mariah so perfectly in this episode has probably been burned or thrown into a vat of acid somewhere. Which is all to say, there were some pretty insane moments in this episode—and we’re so grateful for them.