Santa Claus is a coward. As (a Charlie Brown Christmas-esque cartoon version of) Santa revealed on Tuesday's Late Show, he doesn't even have the courage to take a stand against the potential dismantling of our democracy.
"Good grief," the Peanuts-ified Stephen Colbert said in the Charlie Brown Christmas parody. "Christmas is coming and Donald Trump's going to be president." As that weakling known as Santa Claus strolled up to comfort Colbert, he made an impassioned but arguably misguided plea for unity. "Oh Stephen," Santa said. "It can't be that bad. I mean, the country is divided, but in the end we're all Americans!"
Colbert, understandably hoping to chop it up about the fate of the nation with a seemingly like-minded dude, then asked if Mr. Kringle rocked the vote this year. Sadly, this fraud who clearly sits on a throne of lies decided to confirm he had betrayed his own brand of generosity and kindness with a vote for the candidate with the Apprentice connection.
"It was the only thing Donald wanted for Christmas," Santa claimed. "My hands were tied!" The president-elect certainly qualifies for the notorious Naughty List, Santa noted, but he ultimately decided to sell himself out for coal. "He said he'd bring coal jobs back and I need that coal to drop in the naughty kids' socks," Santa said. "Do you really want to live in a world where the naughty don't get punished?"
"No, just where they don't become president," Colbert said somberly.
Santa is canceled.
