Today's hangover is a special one. Monday evening brought the first presidential debate of the season and, um, it was certainly an interesting affair. Hillary Clinton hit Donald Trump with burns built from the ashes of his own rhetoric while Trump sniffled a whole bunch on live TV. Thankfully, Stephen Colbert felt the urge to hit us with a live Late Show right after the 90-minute debate so we could all get on the same page about the unfortunate persistence of a double standard that has defined much of this election cycle.

"[Hillary Clinton] had to be confident without smug, commanding without shrill," Colbert explained to his audience during his post-debate coverage. "Donald Trump had to not commit murder on camera." And as for that godawful sniffle marathon, Colbert had his own theory. "Trump sounded like he was fighting off a cold with cocaine," Colbert said. "He sounded like the coked-up best man in the bathroom at a wedding …. He was like Scarface, but, you know, with more face."

The general assumption is that Trump just strutted into the debate with zero preparation, a theory with which Colbert hilariously agreed. "[Trump] may not have prepared, but it looked like he didn't," Colbert explained. Contrasting that level of preparedness with Clinton's, Colbert offered this: "Hillary was so prepared, my new nickname for her is Preparation H," he said.

Colbert also welcomed Super Troopers 2 star Rob Lowe, who gave his all during his portrayal of a confusingly wardrobed undecided voter:

The next presidential debate is slated for Oct. 9 at Washington University in St. Louis. See you there, Stephen Colbert. We'll once again be needing your subversion to arrive promptly after the broadcast.