When it comes to the Final Fantasy franchise — and in particular the holy grail that is FFVII — Square Enix known no bounds, nor any shame or integrity when it comes to milking a metaphorical dead cash-cow. If you want proof ,feast your eyes on the monstrosity that is Final Fantasy VII The Monopoly Game. Yes, really.

With the announcement of the long-waited remake, Square Enix have probably seen this as the perfect time to strike while the iron’s hot and drag the beloved series through the mud (again, we should add) with pointless tie-in products. Honestly who the hell still plays Monopoly? It’s one of the most emotionally manipulative and divisive games to have ever been created and the prime reason Christmas Day goes from a lovely gathering to a hostile affair because your uncle, who you aren’t even related to by blood, buys out Fleet Street.

Here’s an extract describing the Final Fantasy VII Monopoly Game:

"Delve into the evolving city of Midgar in search of the latest business opportunities. Perhaps you’ll buy up a string of plots for housing development for the people, or go industrial and build a Mako reactor plant.

Trade with fellow players to secure key location and facilities and watch as savvy buyers secure a big pay day. A roll of a dice and a shrewd business mind will pave your way to success…Just watch out in case Shin-ra bring your empire crashing down!"

Whoever is head of marketing and content control at Square Enix has some explaining to do.

If you have no shame, or if you just happen to be massive Final Fantasy fan (we’re guessing you’re big into cosplay too) the FFVII Monopoly Board Game won’t be out till next year, April 14. For now you can  pre-order it from the Merchiod webstore.