Samantha Bee wasted no words in her response to the Orlando nightclub shooting Monday, spending a solid seven minutes explaining why assault rifles have no place in society. "After a massacre, the standard operating procedure is that you stand on stage and deliver some well-meaning words about how we will get through this together," Bee told her Full Frontal audience. "How love wins, how love conquers hate. And that is great, that is beautiful. But you know what? Fuck it. I am too angry for that. Love does not win unless we start loving each other enough to fix our fucking problems."
Bee took specific aim at the increasingly criticized "thoughts and prayers" approach taken by politicians and public figures in the wake of the Orlando attack and previous mass shootings, an approach the former Daily Show contributor argued amounts to absolutely nothing. According to Bee, "Sitting quietly in a room with your eyes closed, talking to nobody" simply isn't a reasonable solution to the nation's gun epidemic.
Making note of Florida's lenient gun safety laws, and the nation's generally lax approach to gun sales at large, Bee called for an end to the availability of "high-capacity" penis substitutes. "We can't constitutionally get rid of all guns, but can't we get semi-automatic assault rifles out of the hands of civilians?" Bee asked. "'Sam Bee wants to take your guns away!' Yes—the ones that mow down a room full of people in seconds. Yes! I do want to take those guns away."
She even sent out a prayer of her own, though remarkably different in tone than the ones offered by those aforementioned politicians. "Are you there God? It's Sam," she said. "Please bless the victims and their friends and families in this time of unspeakable pain. Give us the courage to say 'no more' and, while you're at it, please send the NRA a plague of boils."