Thanks to some combination of ingenious timing and sheer happenstance, the long-awaited sequel to Independence Day is set to arrive in June, almost exactly two decades after the original introduced the world to an alien-punching Will Smith. Officially titled Independence Day: Resurgence, this chapter in the history of Earth's imminent destruction features absolutely zero Will Smith but apparently plenty of Jeff Goldblum.

But how has the planet been holding up in the years since the intergalactic war of 1996? According to this obviously fake United World News report, there's no such thing as an opportune time to be violently invaded by extraterrestrial beings.

"As you know, it's taken a huge effort to get a big military base on the moon," Goldblum says. The quick 5-minute catch-up session also reveals that people are still stoked on President Whitmore (Bill Pullman)'s amazing speech inspired by the war of '96, which makes perfect sense considering it’s a confirmed banger.

For his part, Liam Hemsworth (Jake Morrison) is quite prepared for these rude aliens to make their return. "Now I don't want them to come back but, if they do, I feel pretty good about getting one of these fighters and blowing them out of the sky," Hemsworth says. Those fighters, much to general logic's chagrin, harness groundbreaking anti-gravity technology first discovered by (you guessed it) aliens.

Independence Day: Resurgence hits theaters on June 24, effectively ending the 20 years of peace celebrated above. Goldblum and Hemsworth will be joined by Sela Ward, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Brent Spiner, Bill Pullman, Vivica A. Fox, Judd Hirsch, and some presumably angry aliens.