Schumer recently talked to Vanity Fair (not to be mistaken for that other magazine that made the deadly mistake of calling her "plus size") for their latest cover story and revealed how she acquired the sizable scar on her thigh that appears in that underwear-free Annie Leibovitz photo that gives new meaning to the term "fire crotch."
In a collection of outakes from the main interview, Schumer explained how it happened while surfing in high school.
"I have a pretty bad scar on my leg from surfing," she explained. "Forty-one stitches, three layers. I skegged myself. My whole fin went into my leg, and I had to yank it out. I was by myself."
The beach was mostly empty because it was winter, but she was able to make it back to shore and find a guy to ask for help.
"I was like, 'I need you to hold my leg.' I was delegating. And he held my leg closed with his bare hands -- just fat and blood coming out. ... I wish I knew who that guy was, because he saved my life, for sure. He had blue toenail polish and nail polish; he had long stringy hair. And I remember him being beautiful. Anyway, he held my leg closed."
A crowd of people eventually gathered around her on the beach as she waited for an ambulance to arrive.
"People kept putting towels and towels on me. I was like, 'I'm not cold -- there's a hole in my leg.' I was making jokes. It took maybe 15 minutes for the ambulance to get there."
Eventually she realized that she wasn't going to die, but started to worry about losing the leg to amputation, and what that would mean for the rest of her life.
"... I'm going to have to go and be a speaker at high schools and, like, motivate people. I was so annoyed about my life. I was just like, Ucchh. And then it was fine."
Yes, thankfully. It will be almost two decades later when her upcoming book, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo, is released (Aug. 16, 2016), and we're really looking forward to reading that.