With Stephen Colbert finally back from his seemingly lengthy vacation, the Late Show titan can once again deliver scathing commentary on the biggest issue currently rippling through American politics: birds. Bernie Sanders hit the presidential race with the viral quickness last week after a bird, quickly dubbed Birdie Sanders, stopped by a Sanders rally in Portland to presumably show that birds are down with the Bern. Colbert, however, wasn't impressed.
"This is not necessarily a sign that Bernie is the chosen one," Colbert insisted on Monday’s show. "It is spring. Birds are everywhere. In fact, I've got a bird right here in the studio who's going to help me sing a happy song about spring." That bird, noticeably more animated than the aforementioned Birdie Sanders, then arrived to predictable applause to deliver a happy Colbert-assisted song that swiftly united the nation. Right? Nah.
"You know, far too many birds in America cannot even afford food to regurgitate into the mouths of their young," this seemingly enlightened bird told Colbert, adding that the top "one percent of the birds at America's parks" get a whopping 99 percent of the nation's seed. Though a Sanders co-sign from this outspoken bird would seem downright inevitable, this particular feathered friend is sadly misinformed: "I'm voting for Trump. My whole family could nest in his hair."