Life is hard. Life's social obligations, from weddings to graduations to your little cousin's horrendous birthday party, are even harder. To whom does this lonely and increasingly Trump-tainted planet turn for advice on how to best tackle these etiquette concerns with equal parts grace and creativity? If we're interested in real answers with practical solutions, we turn to none other than noted box office destroyer Deadpool.
In a fam-friendly NSFW clip entitled "Dear Deadpool," Ryan Reynolds and T.J. Miller (Weasel) take questions from presumably real people before gleefully offering some of the worst and/or best advice of all time. "You know what I find is really hard to masturbate to?" Deadpool posits in the clip's opening moments, wisely improved with some track-heavy VHS action. "This Ken Burns documentary on the Roosevelts." That's some truth, Merc. Some fine truth.
Once he actually gets around to offering advice, Deadpool kicks things up a notch or twenty by advising against the use of projectile weaponry and advocating strongly for the relentless prevention of future Count of Monte Cristo-style revenge. For the record, those delightful responses were prompted by inquiries regarding Thanksgiving dinner and a belated wedding gift. Classic!
Strictly for research purposes, here's some of that Ken Burns action Deadpool so dutifully references in the opening moments of his inspiring (and hopefully weekly) advice video: