You would think that video games and movies would go together like chicken and waffles doused in honey but the reality is that the collaboration is about as fruitful as a sticking your manhood in a blender in the hopes it would increase your virility. There have been (some) cases of movies transitioning to make good video games (think: Spider-Man 2, X-Origins: Wolverine and GoldenEye) but flip it the other way around and let’s just say the endeavour is less than fruitful.
We’re not sure what the exact problem is and to be fair there are probably a number of factors involved: studio interference, a bland script, a less-than-stellar cast and crew (director included) and – most criminal of all – not sticking to the source material. Whatever the reason most films based on video games end up being a roadside car accident with a sign saying 'please do not resuscitate', which is a shame as there are some 'decent' films out there (mind you: we're using the word 'decent' generously here). It's a wonder why film studios keep churning out countless movie adaptations of video games, this year alone we'll be getting films based on; Warcraft, Angry Birds and Assassin's Creed.
Because of the numerous amount of video games adapted for the silver screen (or the bargain bin DVD section at your local off license) for the general populace to consume – whether good or bad – there have been a lot that have flown under the radar. So instead of doing a list around ‘the worst movies based on video games” (which would’ve been far too easy) we’ve come up with a list of 'movies based on video games that you never knew existed'.
Brace yourself for a rollercoaster rider of questionable quality.
Double Dragon (1994)
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Double Dragon on the old 8-bit NES Console taught us some very special lessons: the fact that any problem could be solved with some good old martial arts and vigilantism, team co-operation is key and the sudden realisation that a girl can end a bromance within five-seconds flat.
None of those morals make it into this '94 adaptation of a movie that uses long-dead 80s clichés. Don't fooled by the dramatic opera intro, this film is about as enthralling as hearing your grandad recount how he 'stuck it' to your 'nan. As children of the 90s we probably lie to ourselves and say “Yo, remember how awesome that was?!?” We can pretty much guarantee no-one says that about this incredibly cheesy adaptation of Double Dragon, which bares no resemblance to the 2D-scroller. What we have here instead is two ‘typical’ American 90s frat bros in what appears to be the scriptwriters/director's version of the year 2007 (boy did they get a lot things wrong) who must stop an evil tycoon from retrieving a ‘powerful’ amulet – or MacGuffin device. Also whoever done the editing for the trailer clearly didn't give two-s***s about viewers who suffered from epilepsy.
Fun fact: this film starred a very young Alyssa Milano, who’s tried her best to erased this from her extensive film catalogue. Sorry Ms Milano, the Internet never forgets, nor does it forgive…
Wing Commander (1999)
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Is that a pre-Scooby Doo Freddie Prinze Jnr right before our eyes? Why yes it is. We won’t claim to know much about Wing Commander except that it was a sci-fi cult classic space shooter that our dads, uncles and older siblings used play. Judging by the YouTube tutorial videos the game looked genre defining for it’s time. Unfortunately the same can’t be said about the film, but with an average rating of 10% on Rotten Tomatoes what were you expecting?
House of the Dead (2003)
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If you mention the name Uwe bowl to the gaming community you will most likely be greeted by a plethora of aggravation and pure nerd rage. House Of The Dead as most of you know is the hugely popular arcade zombie-shooter developed by Sega, where you would burn through your hard earned pocket money like a constipated pig who’s reaching for the laxative just to complete the damn thing.
But onto Uwe Bowl’s ‘version of events’... at least he gets the zombie bit right. Everything else is a nosebleed of poor acting, directing and laughable action scenes coupled in with a nonsensical storyline that makes the Twilight saga seem exciting in comparison. If you've ever had the unfortunate experience of sitting through a Uwe Bowl film, you'll know what we're talking about, watching any of his films is comparable to taking your eyes and rubbing it against sandpaper. To top it off, part of the film has an ‘illegal’ rave sponsored by Sega… and people wonder why they haven’t been able to make a decent Sonic since Sonic & Knuckles.
Street Fighter: Assassins Fist (2014)
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We could’ve gone with the incredibly campy Street Fighter: The Movie with good old JCVD – a film that essentially killed Raul Julia (aka Gomez from The Addams family) – or Kristin Kreuk’s Street Fighter: The legend of Chun Li, ( BTW: Who's bright idea was it to cast Taboo from the Black Eye Peas as Vega?).
But we decided to go with Street Fighter: Assassin’s Fist, an independent movie that has actually done the unthinkable task of using the source material to tell a decent story. I know, crazy right? Directed by Joey Ansah, the film focuses on SF’s marquee characters Ryu and Ken and their journey to becoming the renowned world warriors everyone knows and loves. Made for the Internet and then brought to Netflix, it was a labour of love from Ansah to Street Fighter fans worldwide. The story was good, the choreography was on-point and the actors nailed down their iconic characters to a 'T'.
Finally giving us an SF film deserving of the fans love.
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children
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To go into why FF7 is balls-to-the-walls one of THE BEST games ever would take forever (also we've got have a word count to adhere to), so just take our word for it… it’s THAT good. Advent Children is the film sequel following the events of FF7 and let’s just say this film is a double-edged (buster) sword. Graphically this film is leaps and bounds to what Pixar could do at the time; the environments and chibi-style characters are beautifully re-modelled and rendered in glorious CGI, whilst the action-packed fight scenes border the levels of insanity (which is pretty much a normal day at the office for Japanese anime aficionados). Unfortunately for all these positives it was just a little too ‘emo’ – which, again, is typical in Japanese animes. They essentially turned the main character, Cloud Strife, from sword-wielding badass into whiney little fuccboi who would fit in well at a My Chemical Romance concert.
At least we’ve finally got that FF7 remake to look forward too…
DOA: Dead Or Alive (2006)
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If you’re there asking yourself “Why does this film exist?” you are in fact asking the wrong question. What you really need to ask yourself is “Why does this game exist?’. We’ve come to the conclusion that the gamers that incessantly play the DOA series are most likely into the adult entertainment variety that involves tentacles and Japanese school girls. But hey, we're not here to judge so whatever floats your boat .
Anyway, onto ‘the movie’ which is the martial arts equivalent to that god-awful Spice Girls movie. It’s nonsensical bubblegum action at it’s finest laced with a C-List cast of ‘what the hell happened to you afterwards’ i.e. Holly ‘Kiss Kiss’ Valance, Jamie ‘My Name is Earl’ Pressley and Devon ‘2 Fast 2 Furious’ Akoi. Think of it as an action-packed version of Hollyoaks' or when 'adult films' try to have a storyline.
Super Mario Bros. Anime (1986)
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Oh what, you thought we were going to put the Bob Hoskins version in this? No way, this is meant to be educational after all.
If this long-forgotten anime was any indication of how things would eventually turn out for Nintendo’s talisman then it was totally off-the-mark. For starters Mario and Luigi aren’t even plumbers (they sell groceries?) and in the end – spoiler alert – Mario ends up getting friend zoned after rescuing Princess Peach, the ultimate PAR if there ever was one. Damn Nintendo, why ya gotta do Mario like that? Worst pay off ever.
The only saving grace is that this is slightly better than the travesty that is the Super Mario Bros. movie.
Halo 4: Forward Onto Dawn (2012)
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This one probably skipped a lot of people by, even avid Halo fans. It essentially started out as a five-part internet series released on both Machinma’s Youtube channel and the Halo network as a build-up for Halo 4.
Set in the universe of Halo (duh) it offered a more human look at the academy cadets of the UNSC who are clearly ill-equipped for the oncoming covenant invasion. Since then all five episodes have been fused to make one feature length movie and Forward Unto Dawn expertly captures the gravitas of the franchise; the characters are relatable, the story fits perfectly into the Halo mythos and to top-it-off, the bloody Master Chief is in it. Need we say more?
A prime example of how to make a film based on a video game watchable.
Tekken 2: Kazuya’s Revenge (2014)
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You’re probably thinking yourself “I didn’t even know there was a first Tekken film G”, and you’re right. Both films pretty much flew under the radar but at least the first one (as terrible as it was) stuck to premise of a fighting tournament.
As for it’s sequel it basically plays out like a poor man’s version of Jackie Chan’s Who Am I, apparently the guy playing Kazuya has conveniently lost his memory and must go around beating people up to rediscover who he is. Because that's the way to solve all of life's problems right?
Also going by the looks of the trailer there’s enough spinning pirouette-kicks to turn this into a ballet show. Overplayed guys…
Dead Rising: Watchtower (2015)
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For any Desperate Housewives fans wondering what the hell happened to Jesse Metcalfe (AKA the gardener who Eva Longria’s character was having an affair with) look no further than this adaptation of popular zombie game Dead Rising.
To be fair we think this film gives in to the idea that movies based on video games are pants and director Zack Lipovsky and writer Tim Carter accept that, hence why this film is quite a fun watch. It’s tongue-and-cheek approach to the zombie survival genre isn’t quite Zombieland-levels (for one it lacks a Bill Murray cameo) but it’s still a fun watch as long as you remember this is a stupid-ass film that you shouldn’t take seriously. Also, it’s almost worth watching just for SNL and Daily Show alumni Robbie Riggle’s appearance as the game's main character, Frank West.
