New Year's resolutions are pretty silly. This, of course, is a fact that has been very well established. However, on the night of his first 2016 appearance, the one guy on network TV really late at night that's not named Jimmy still decided to share his own daunting promises for a better self with the rest of the equally daunted world.

Instead of enthusiastically making these resolutions public on the first day of the year in much the same way as your increasingly obnoxious Facebook friends, Stephen Colbert waited a few days and cemented them in CBS-honored permanence without a hint of "Hey! This is comedy!"

Colbert, predictably enough, has quite the array of self-initiated responsibilities over the next month. Instead of mocking the former presidential candidate for earnestly sharing his resolutions with the Colbert nation and beyond, we should probably just join him in his quest for a better self.

The first step? According to Colbert, that probably involves the balancing of a complicated love triangle with your iPhone and that increasingly suspicious iPad.