With Thanksgiving now just days away, there’s one thing Americans will most certainly be omitting from their thanks and temporary gratitude once again this year: male genitalia. However, according to entrepreneur Brian Sloan, that’s all about to change. Fresh off the wave of genitalia-inspired headlines surrounding his crowdfunded oral sex simulator Autoblow 2 and the 3-orificed device 3Fap, Sloan has now launched the "first ever" beauty pageant for balls:

Men all over the world apparently have until Christmas to upload shots of their respective scrotums to ballscontest.com, at which point the always reliable internet will cast votes ranging from one to ten "stars." Sloan also plans to use "3d scrotum scans" to eventually turn the winners’ junk into "paperweights, doorstops, bookends, and other decorative items," according to a press release.


Sloan apparently knows a thing or two about genitalia competitions, as he's also the guy behind the wildly controversial Vaginal Beauty Pageant, a controversy Sloan is promising "to address" by way of the intellectually dubbed Balls Contest. In closing, I humbly submit the following: