Though the status of his plan to retaliate against America's leading idiot Donald Trump by presumably giving him a massive wedgie remains uncertain, Joaquín Archivaldo Guzmán Loera (a.k.a. El Chapo)'s ability to escape even the most perilous of circumstances remains firmly unquestioned. After all, El Chapo is a guy currently in possession of the relatively unmatchable brag "I escaped from maximum security prison. Twice."
According to multiple eyewitness accounts, El Chapo can now add another sentence to that humblebrag. Members of the Mexican Federal Police force are currently kicking themselves after narrowly missing the chance to apprehend the increasingly elusive fugitive, following a car accident in Macuspana, Tabasco. Local media outlets, including the Tabasco Hoy, have reportedly confirmed that El Chapo was present during the accident and was transported to a nearby hospital for treatment. As expected, local authorities were immediately made aware of El Chapo's whereabouts. However, this generation's Pablo Escobar asked to be released and promptly exited the premises "minutes before authorities arrived."
When questioned about El Chapo's supposedly brief medical stay, the hospital director reportedly refused to disclose the patient's information and eventually denied the entire situation (including El Chapo's presence) outright. Last week, El Chapo's son gifted social media with one of the most profound Twitter flexes of all time by sharing a geotagged photo presumably depicting a carefree evening spent with his father.
Well played, El Chapo.