For three years in the '90s, many of my weekends were wasted watching GUTS on Nickelodeon. What can I say, I wasn't even a pre-teen and lived in a city where there was fuck-all to do. There was something about Moira "Mo" Quirk's accent that made a show where kids competing in different "action sports" obstacles 100% more relevant.
Or maybe I was just naïve.
We're not here for that, though. We're here to discuss JR "Baby D" Carson, a kid who many consider to be the worst contestant in GUTS history. Why was he called "Baby D?" "Because of the way he wears his bandana," apparently, as it made him look like Deion Sanders. At least, that's what they said; the host of the show (shouts to Mike O'Malley) always ended up giving these contestants wild nicknames like "The Panic" or "Cougar" (yes, there was a 14-year-old girl in the '90s who competed on GUTS as "Cougar"). For heads trying to get their creep on, you can check out Stalking Guts for a quick look at some of the wildest names from back in the day.
One person not on that Tumblr is JR "Baby D" Carson, who was shook AF during his appearance. Up above, you can see his horrendous attempt at Wave Runner, which was the third event of the competition. The way he couldn't get past that pole, you'd think Poseidon had grabbed the bottom of his raft and just held him there for the rest of the 60 seconds. Basically, after he slipped into that water (O'Malley: "JR, TAKE A DRINK OF WATER!"), it was practically a wrap.
In part two of this video series, we get to the "JUMP! JUMP!" competition, where JR really shines... and by shines, I mean horrendously fails:
Bruh. This wasn't the "try to look like a bird stuck in a vacuum tube" competition. It's almost depressing to watch. "Baby D" made it over the first bar, but it's like his entire momentum died on the cord... and never recovered. Good thing those spotters were there to, you know, help Baby D actually complete the competition.
Why this was called "amazing" is beyond me.
What's wild is that "Baby D" still made it into second place. Aggro Swag says that JR ended up getting into second place over a girl named Peach, who did worse than JR on the Aggro Crag. He will forever live in infamy based on these two clips, though, and for that, we thank you, Internets.