Jesse Pinkman and your neighbor from elementary school who always wore that dingy Ratt cutoff t-shirt would be so proud. Two citizens of the now meth-famous city of Cedar Rapids, Iowa were arrested on Tuesday after remnants of a supposed methamphetamine lab were found inside a utility closet of the local Taco Bell. "We understand that two people, one an employee, entered our franchisee’s restaurant illegally, allegedly possessing suspicious items," says Taco Bell in a statement released via Zeno Group. "Both we and our franchisee find this completely unacceptable. Our franchisee has been cooperating with Cedar Rapids Police to investigate this isolated incident."
The Bell in question will remain closed throughout the investigation, according to KWWL. The two industry upstarts, 31-year-old Christopher Adam Matous and 56-year-old Kent Jerome Duby, are currently facing a variety of charges stemming from their attempt at combining two of America's most treasured pastimes — methamphetamine consumption and fast-food addiction. Matous is charged with conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine, possession of sodium hydroxide, and possession of petroleum distillates. Duby carries the modest singular charge of conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine.
Meanwhile, the rest of the country awaits the arrival of Taco Bell's newest addition to their Americanized canon of international consumables — the $5 Metharito Box.