Whenever I find myself in a situation where the ratio of loud and obnoxious children to calm and collected adults is startlingly askew, I immediately start plotting a potential escape method. Generally, faking a sudden violent stomach illness has a comfortingly high success rate, as no one wants their respective offspring to inherit your unknowingly performance-based projectile vomiting. I suppose I should start calling this The Reverse Stamos Method, as Uncle Jesse himself recently confirmed he tried to get Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fired from Full House due to their fondness for crying.
"It’s sort of true that the Olsen twins cried a lot,” Stamos recently told critics at a Television Critics Association event in Beverly Hills. “It was very difficult to get the shot. So I [would gesture] ‘Get them out!’ That is actually 100 percent accurate." Stamos also revealed that a slew of other actors were considered for the role of Michelle Tanner in the wake of such
unprofessional behavior admittedly expected behavior from young children. "They brought in a couple of unattractive redheaded kids," Stamos revealed, according to Entertainment Weekly. "We tried that for a while and that didn’t work. [Then the producers] were like, alright, get the Olsen twins back. And that’s the story.”
Thus, I am a coward. Instead of removing myself from the presence of children acting like children, I should simply have them fired. Thank you, John Stamos. You're a hero and a trailblazer. I shall now embrace The True Stamos Method.
Fuller House, the Netflix sequel to the classic 90s sitcom, debuts in 2016.