"Length is more important."

"No, girth. Girth is more important."

"Texture? I think texture is more important?"

There are many theories as to whether or not the size of one's sword truly matters and, if it matters, how exactly it matters. Personal sword preferences aside, nothing beats the sudden display of raw animalistic ridiculousness that is two men excitedly comparing their respective swords in a battle of outmoded masculinity.

The well-meaning gentlemen in the clip above surely thought their proudly displayed sword was long or girthy or textured enough to successfully rob a store, though that belief was quickly proven worthless by the store owner's own sword. Early on in the comparison of swords, it becomes quite clear that the store owner's sword is indeed much longer than that of the prospective thieves.

The lesson here? A sword's a sword, no matter how small, but a bigger sword wins each and every time.

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