Though intensive scientific research opinion suggests there might actually be no such thing as a "good" roommate, the unidentified individual discussed in the clip above might very well be the worst. Digital artist Robert Corwin, a seemingly mild-mannered man fortunate enough to possess two properties, recently returned to his condo in Chicago to find a random couple in his own bed. Furthermore, his liquor collection had been properly exhausted and there was suddenly a hookah crowding out prime space on the coffee table.

"Your imagination goes crazy," Corwin tells CBS Chicago in an oddly dramatic interview. "What's been going on? It could be everything from orgies to drugs." Corwin's aversion to orgies and drugs aside, he was able to carve out enough time to deduce that his roommate had posted an ad for the property on Airbnb. The financially driven roommate was promptly evicted, though Corwin doesn't seem very satisfied with that conclusion.

Corwin is apparently "asking Airbnb for help," a slightly misguided request to which the company responded with this little gem:

“Airbnb does not own, operate, manage or control accommodations, nor do we verify private contract terms or arbitrate complaints from third parties.”

The real tragedy, of course, is that Corwin will never be able to shake the unsettling imagery of a hookah practically ruining his living room aesthetic. Thankfully, Corwin's apparently very serious quest to never encounter orgies or drugs will continue without incident.