By now you've no doubt bemoaned and resigned yourself to Marvel's plan for (finally!) officially adding Spider-Man to their Cinematic Universe. Yes, the superhero will not branch off into the same racially diverse alternatives as the comics have, RIP Miles Morales, #Donald4SpiderMan and all that. Peter Parker is still in the house and he is still Caucasian. OK, fine. But why, for our third franchise reset in 15 years (well, by the time the character appears in Captain America: Civil War, 16) must we be forced to watch Peter Parker be an awkward high school nerd and inadvertently set his poor, old uncle up to get got again? Who has died on-screen more times now, Thomas and Martha Wayne or Uncle Ben?? With all that said, it's hard to get excited about this joint—yet, at least. The last time I weighed in it was in an attempt to register some, any, excitement regarding potential casting. But really, who cares. Now, as we've come to learn this morning the web-slinging honor has fallen to Tom Holland, which, who?

The headline above is in no way meant to be racially charged or petty. Just for real, your boy looks like he himself is currently in 10th grade AP Biology, and less like someone eligible to play your next billion-dollar superhero. (I'm equipped to write this because I know a thing or two about it. Just last week one of my favorite rappers visited the office and asked if I was 12.) It seems like Marvel and Kevin Feige are really doubling down on the Peter Parker story as we know it, love it, and have seen one too many times—the fresh-faced casting implies this version of the franchise will definitely keep it young, possibly for more than one movie. With that said, let's get into it: what the hell is a Tom Holland?!