Today, the world will at long last behold the final engineering outcome of Twilight fanfiction and mom-jean smut that is Fifty Shades of Grey. The big screen adaptation of the E. L. James penned BDSM trilogy opens in theaters, bringing to the silver screen what really did begin as a continuation on Stephenie Meyer's vampire-werewolf-Mormon-wolfbaby trilogy, which re-imagined Bella and Edward Cullen as a pair of boring cisgender white people who discover Ben Wa Balls in modern-day Seattle.
Did you catch all that? Cause we're not repeating it. If you feel like digging deeper, Fifty Shades of Grey is written at a fourth-grade reading level, so it shouldn't take long to decipher. The international phenomenon has exceeded Dan Brown/Da Vinci Code levels and opens today just in time for Valentine's Day. Complex L.A. decided to see for themselves what's turning your mother's khakis into steaming terrariums of unchecked lust. Also, we will all be celebrating Valentine's Day solo.
