HBO Productions We Are Dying to Watch (But Will Probably Never See the Light of Day)

Image via Complex Original

Genre: Comedy

Cool Talent™ involved: Will Ferrell, Adam McKay, Lizzy Caplan

Premise: Based off of comedienne Julie Klausner's identically titled memoir, the show would mostly follow Klausner or a lead of her likeness through her 20s and the "unsavory details of sleeping with a gallery of losers" that defined them.

​Why it sounds awesome: Together, those first two names delivered some of the best comedies out of the Will Ferrell reign, including Anchorman and Talladega Nights. With those two on the executive producer tip and the beautiful Lizzy Caplan—who bodies both dramatic and comedic roles—at the helm, this could've been a great complement to Girls. Which is to say, it'd be another single, twentysomething female lead, but from a more broadly appealing perspective.

Chances of actually being good: If nothing else, it'd probably birth some great new character actors via Klausner's rotating cast of loser lovers.

Status: If it does ever happen anytime soon, it'll likely be sans Caplan in front of the camera. She's currently flourishing as the co-lead on chief HBO nemesis Showtime's Masters of Sex.

Genre: Drama

Cool Talent™ involved: Morgan Spurlock, Larry McMurtry, Diana Ossana

Premise: Politics. In Texas. Described as "big canvas," sooo we're assuming oil?

​Why it sounds awesome: Spurlock mostly sticks to documentary projects, so this would've largely been McMurtry and Ossana (the duo who penned Brokeback Mountain) writing from a synopsis he pitched them. That means however fire the idea was, it didn't gas Spurlock enough to make him stray outside of his normal zone, a show of ego restraint that's actually reassuring.

Chances of actually being good: It probably would've been gunning to be the next great Prestige Drama series where the ambition outweighs the execution. So, still a fun watch at the very least.

Status: News of the development broke way back in 2011. Last year Spurlock aired a docuseries (Seven Deadly Sins) on Showtime, so we're going to assume this is DOA.

Genre: Comedy

Cool Talent™ involved: Tea Leoni, Kate Robin, R.J. Cutler

Premise: An odd couple sitcom against the backdrop of the fashion industry set in, where else, New York.

​Why it sounds awesome: Who doesn't love laughing with Tea Leoni? The creative pedigree is solid as well. Kate Robin knows a thing or two about writing bangers for HBO from her Six Feet Under days, meanwhile director R.J. Cutler filmed The September Issue fashion documentary.

Chances of actually being good: The setting is a little tired, but a sitcom lives and dies with a good cast above all else. Maybe Tea and a fire supporting cast would've raised the premise's freshness rating?

Status: Tea's currently giving the heartland her best primetime glower in the CBS political drama Madame Secretary.

Genre: Drama

Cool Talent™ involved: Malcolm Gladwell, Charles Randolph, Mark Wahlberg

Premise: In Cold War-era Berlin, a missionary becomes involved with the CIA.

​Why it sounds awesome: Look at Mark Wahlberg's track record for producing HBO shows. Entourage, Boardwalk Empire, and In Treatment?! We have no idea what he actually does to fulfill his producer duty besides, like, reading scripts in between sets at the gym, but every show dude has had his name on has been absolute fire. If that's not enough validation, Charles Randolph has a knack for writing dope political intrigue projects (see: The Interpreter) and with him and his friend Malcolm Gladwell on pen duty, this could've been the next great spy drama that every TV era needs.

Chances of actually being good: Trust in Wahlberg. 

Status: It's been kicking around "in development" since late 2010. There's probably a thick blanket of dust on that script right now.

Genre: Comedy

Cool Talent™ involved: Molly Shannon, Tim Long

Premise: A fortysomething woman who has been a nun since 18 finally leaves her convent to re-enter the real world.

​Why it sounds awesome: Molly Shannon and long time Simpsons writer-producer Tim Long collaborating on a cable comedy is all we need to hear, but that premise—basically a female 40 Year-Old Virgin—is the right type of gold to allow Shannon to let her weird flag fully fly. And Shannon knows a thing or two about playing funny Catholics.

Chances of actually being good: It probably would've come out of the gate strong only to peter out in the long run, especially if it leaned heavy on the premise to generate laughs. A precocious forty-year-old is a great setup, but after awhile, how long until the naivete betrays believability.

Status: Molly Shannon's currently in an HBO in-production pilot from producer Sarah Jessica Parker, Divorce (which sounds decidedly unfunny, but, whatever). Meanwhile Tina Fey and Ellie Kemper are basically making the same show with a few story tweaks in their upcoming Netflix series Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt.

Genre: Drama

Cool Talent™ involved: William Monahan

Premise: Through the day-to-day of his job, a New York-based locksmith is offered a unique peek into the lives of his customers.

​Why it sounds awesome: Monahan, the guy who delivered screenplays the likes of The Departed and The Gambler, is used to writing dramas of a different ilk. But if executed with the right care, this adaption of actual locksmith Joel Kostman's short story collection/memoir could've been like the Humans of New York Instagram page brought to life.

Chances of actually being good: This could've been on Louie-levels of raw humanity in a New York bubble. Or an over-earnest, saccharine brick. 

Status: It's been quiet since news of the green light broke years ago.

Genre: Comedy

Cool Talent™ involved: James Gandolfini, Kenneth Lonergan

Premise: A politically incorrect taxi driver struggles to keep his shit together.

​Why it sounds awesome: The premise sounds like something out of the late '80s/early '90s, but hopefully pay cable freedom would've allowed Lonergan, on his TV debut after writing feature heaters like You Can Count on Me, Analyze This, and Gangs of New York, to flex the politically incorrect angle into worthwhile comedic edge.

Chances of actually being good: It was a US adaptation of a French series, and we only steal from the best, so...

Status: No updates for some time now, despite Lonergan already being a replacement for the adaptation's original writer. Maybe Gandolfini's unfortunate passing halted things? (Although he was only attached to executive produce, not star.)

Genre: Comedy

Cool Talent™ involved: Derek Cianfrance

Premise: Based on the memoir from Sam Fussell, Muscle: Confessions of an Unlikely Bodybuilder which tracks his four-year journey from Oxford grad to full-time iron pumper.

​Why it sounds awesome: Have you seen Pain & Gain? The world of bodybuilding is a wealth of humor, word to Planet Fitness.

Chances of actually being good: Cianfrance's main claim to fame is the decidedly very unfunny Blue Valentine. Of course, that's not a fair basis to say what he looks like at the helm of a comedy, but it is an abrupt switch that might've thusly bore growing pains.

Status: Cianfrance confirmed HBO killed the project back in 2013.

Genre: Drama

Cool Talent™ involved: Clyde Phillips

Premise: A young girl's kidnapping has ripple effects within her family, the police precinct tasked with finding her, and the political world of her city.

​Why it sounds awesome: We're pretty sure this exact premise pops up twice every time the networks release loglines during a new pilot season. The real draw here is in the execution. In the Israeli series that it's based on, the setting is confined to both sides of an interrogation room. Showrunner Clyde Phillips, who ran Dexter for a few seasons, planned to expand to different rooms, but the setting would've remained in the precinct.

Chances of actually being good: Phillips worked on Dexter during its best years, before it dove off the metaphorical cliff, and actually ran the ship during the heralded fourth season (the one with John Lithgow's Trinity Killer). That said, this sounds like a classic case of great pilot followed by increasingly frustrating and anticlimactic season. That's just how most series of this nature tend to go.

Status: Quiet since 2012. Maybe HBO realizes the synopsis is too tired to run with, flashy execution notwithstanding? 

Genre: Drama

Cool Talent™ involved: Bryan Fuller

Premise: An ex-con discovers all the mythological gods actually exist and walk among mankind, and finds himself thrust into a grand conflict between the old gods and the new.

​Why it sounds awesome: See: Premise. Also, Bryan Fuller, TV nerd hero behind both dearly departed greats like Pushing Daisies and current must-watch TV, Hannibal.

Chances of actually being good: This is one series from this list that we'll definitely, probably, see. Just not on HBO. Programming president Michael Lombardo claims they couldn't "get the script right," going so far as to cite three different writers who were brought on to oversee the project. It's not known whether Bryan Fuller was among those three, but last year Starz announced that they'd claimed it from the undeveloped shelf, and with Fuller attached. It'd be out of character for Bryan to deliver a dud, but no matter how the Starz pilot turns out, we'll always wonder what could've been on a network with a better pedigree (and apparently, bigger budget).

Status: Expect Starz to announce release info soon.