A husband with good intentions nearly set fire to his home when he tried to clean he and his wife's collection of dildos. 

This song of dildo cleansing and fire was discovered in the occasional gold mine that is Reddit's Today I F***** Up rabbit hole. After getting into an argument with his wife, the man figured he'd dig his way out of the dog house by tending to their "neglected" silicone dildos: 

Wanting to be thorough, I brought these downstairs, set them in a small pot of water to boil (element on MAX setting), and headed upstairs for a moment to call my dad and wish him well. Quick convo with my dad turns into an involved talk with mom and dad, and about 15-20 minutes later, suddenly my smoke alarm is loudly going off. Having completely forgotten about the dildo boil, I casually get up and prepare to disarm the “false alarm” taking place in my house… until a huge waft of black, inky smoke winds its way around the bedroom door. I immediately think “WHAT IN THE EVER LIVING HELL IS BURNING” and at the same time hear my wife scream ” WHAT THE F*CK?!?!?!” I rush downstairs into a kitchen billowing disgusting, black smoke, and see a massive pillar of flame exploding upwards out of the tiny pot, which by now has been boiling dry for probably a few minutes. Wife is panicky, trying to activate the (luckily right at hand) fire extinguisher, failing with it, hands it to me and I finally manage to blast the noxious dildo blaze with the entire contents of the extinguisher.

In the future, this man should do his wife a favor by not doing her any favors. 

[via Uproxx]