After one of fastest backlashes in recent memory, ITV2 announced that, shockingly, they won’t be renewing Dapper Laughs On The Pull for a second series. While Dapper Laughs himself is now pretty much public enemy number one, ITV themselves are coming under a fair amount of pressure for commissioning it in the first place. The debate whether or not it was misogynistic might continue, but everyone is in pretty much agreement that it was a terrible, unfunny show. But what did you expect from ITV2? The Jimmy Bullard to HBO’s Lionel Messi, the channel has reputation for broadcasting some of the most inane rubbish ever to air on British television. Previous ITV2 delights have included modelling competitions for dogs, Peter Andre electrocuting people’s boyfriends and Paris Hilton desperately longing for friendship. Here are some of their ‘classics’.
2. Dapper Laughs On The Pull
View this video on YouTube
Lecherous Vine superstar Dapper Laughs—aka former estate agent Daniel O’Reilly—made the leap to television when some bonehead ITV2 commissioner thought they could turn followers into ratings figures. A lame dating show where Dapper gave regular guys advice on how to pick-up women, it swiftly generated a tidal wave of opposition claiming the show encouraged misogyny and rape culture. ITV quickly canned plans for a second series and O’Reilly retired the character with his tail between his legs.
3. Top Dog Model
View this video on YouTube
It’s like America’s Next Top Model—but with dogs! Seriously, what more do you need? All the rag to riches sob stories of X Factor, just with canines instead of people. The nation’s finest pooches all competed to win a shot of stardom, or more accurately a role in a commercial for some cleaning products. On the judging panel were Stacy Solomon, MTV presenter Lilah Parsons and US talent agency CEO Addison Witt, none of which seemed to have any specialist knowledge of dogs.
4. MC Hammer’s Big Shot Academy
View this video on YouTube
Despite briefly being the biggest thing on the planet for a moment in the early 90s, MC Hammer has been dogged with financial difficulties and bankruptcies. But don’t worry, ITV2 was there in his hour need, giving him his own low rent show where he stood in front of a green screen making fun of Youtube videos of people singing badly. All his links were clearly knocked out in an afternoon, and it was as grim as it sounds.
5. CelebAir
View this video on YouTube
This particularly feeble entry into the ‘celebrities learn to do things’ subgenre saw the likes of Lisa Maffia, one of Blazing Squad, some guy off Neighbours, Tamara Beckworth and, er, Chico take to the skies as members of a cabin crew. That’s right, plenty of innocent people had their 2008 summer holidays ruined by a terrible ITV2 reality show. Occasionally special additional celebrity guests like David Guest and Vanessa Feltz turned up to heckle the contestants at work.
6. Switch
View this video on YouTube
Because what the world really needed was a British version of Charmed starring Stacey Slater from Eastenders. Focusing on the ‘Witches of Camden’ (sigh), this derivative fantasy drama failed to grab the Buffy / Misfits crowd. Probably because it turns out that some girls out of Hollyoaks didn’t quite have what it takes to be the new Sarah Michelle Gellar.
7. Paris Hilton's British Best Friend
View this video on YouTube
You’d presume that if you were as rich and famous as Paris Hilton you’d have enough hangers-on wanting to be your friend. But it seems that’s not the case, as she had to hop across the Atlantic to find someone willing to tolerate her company. Thirteen contestants competed for the extravagant prize of a plane ticket to LA to hang around in the vicinity of Paris, and be allowed to ‘call and text her’ without being instantly slapped with a restraining order.
8. Peter Andre’s Bad Boyfriend Club
View this video on YouTube
Ladies! Having problems with your man? Is he not everything you want him to be? Instead of speaking to him like a civilised human being and acting like reasonable adults, call up milquetoast 90s popstar Peter Andre, who’ll make him go on a date with another woman while you watch. Not just that, he’ll be hooked up with wires and stuff so he gets an electric shock when does something wrong. And have this whole embarrassing incident broadcast on national television.
9. Footballer’s Wives: Extra Time
View this video on YouTube
Remember ITV’s prime time trashfest drama Footballer’s Wives? Just about. But you remember the short lived ITV2 spin-off Footballer’s Wives: Extra Time? Focusing on the half-sister of one of the main show’s characters (or something), it was basically a lower-budget, lower-rent version of the main show. It’s probably the only thing ever to make those spicy late night Hollyoaks spin-offs they sometimes do on E4 look vaguely respectable.
10. Mark Wright’s Hollywood Nights
View this video on YouTube
How we all laughed when The Only Way Is Essex clown Mark Wright announced he was hopping across the pond to try and make it in Hollywood, and ITV2 were going with him to film it. Oh how we chuckled. Little did we know that he’d be taken under the wing of Quentin Tarantino, bag himself a lead role in The Avengers, and is now being tipped for Oscar glory. Guess the joke is on us now.
