How was your Halloween? Were you getting raked over the coals by Uber when their pricing surged three-fold on the night of the 31st? Or perhaps you were, like young Stefan Sortland here, partying the sort of way normally reserved for Will Ferrell movies. 

A Colorado State student named Stefan Sortland decided to pop some molly on Halloween, but instead of following that up with sweating, he proceeded to somehow not get shot by police officers. Sortland moved on to do some blow, steal an ambulance, get arrested, and then spend the rest of the night jerking off in a police station holding cell. College, right? According to ABC 7, Sortland's body was unable to process whatever mystery cocktail of drugs hes ingested and was eventually taken into police custody.
Again, we should reiterate here, Stefan Sortland is beyond lucky he wasn't killed.