If you've been struggling to find a wife, you're in luck because this new video will help you get there in less than six minutes.  In it, a man wearing a pair of glasses and a tie (he looks super smart, natch) uses a white board and a dry-erase marker to illustrate how to find the ever-elusive "wife zone." Surely this methodology works, like, 99.999% of the time. 

This professor of desire, a pro-gun "46-year-old armchair sociologist and unsung American hero Dana McLendon" according to Vocative, calls his fascinating tutorial the "Universal Hot Crazy Matrix." It promises to provide "everything a young man needs to know about women." It's surprisingly hilarious and probably accurate, though I'm sure hairdressers, transgender people, and women named Tiffany disagree. Just kidding, it's only hilarious if you don't find it offensive. If you find it offensive, you should prepare to shake your fist.

Here's a quick takeaway: A woman who is hotter than an "8" and isn't crazy at all isn't actually a woman, she's a "tranny." A woman who is hotter than an "8" and only a little bit crazy doesn't actually exist. Glad we cleared that up, men. Now go forth and continue to use this knowledge to ruin the world.

Image via YouTube